On Love

Someone told me last night i shouldn't stop riding a bicycle, just because i've fallen from it once, and ended up hurting myself.

Well, pretty good analogy i thought.

It's quite a bit of cowardice on my part. After everything, i find it hard to give love a chance, or that nice guy out there a chance. Why, well..i'm afraid of committing, afraid of falling too deep that i end up hurting myself again. Call it some sort of phobia, but thats how i've been feeling. I would never wanna see any guy in a special sorta way, nor make him fall for me. I'm afraid i'm not brave enough to handle matters of the heart. I'm afraid of breaking hearts.

Many a times, i get so pessimistic about relationships, such that the thought of an eventual break up kinda deters me from even getting into one. I mean, who likes breakups right?

Feelings fade together with the chemistry and passion. Nothing really lasts forever.

But someone told me, being with someone is more of a decision, than a feeling. You decide to be with that someone not out of that sheer lovey dovey feeling, but its more of a commitment that you've made to stick by him/her, whether or not that feeling is still there. I know this sounds alot like marriage, but isn't a relationship a step before marriage?

gawd, don't even mention marriage. I'm afraid of that word. To me, its like a temporary fairy tale, and a permanent living hell. I mean, who knows what will happen in a marriage. Feelings fade, partners cheat on each other, divorce. I don't know.

I've seen so many relationships not working out, i've experienced one myself.
So the moral is, fuck relationships, or stick to an open relationship

Nobody's Home

Stayed out yesterday, didn't go home.
Was at somewhere quiet, somewhere not crowded
Just doing my things.

I like serenity. that peacefulness you could never get anywhere in singapore before 12am.
Who needs all the god damn hustle and bustle in the city?

I like the feeling of being able to do my own things, without anyone disturbing me
The feeling of doing whatever you like, and wearing what you like, because you know you won't bump into anyone at like 4am outside

I like eating my breakfast at 4.45am.
Sipping my coffee as i do my own work
Then, catching the first train home at 5.30am
Head straight to slumber at 6.30am

That was a perfect way to spend the night.

Directionless

Lately, i've realised that i've lost my directions in life. I'm lacking this drive to get stuff done, i lack this sense of seriousness, and maybe to some extent, maturity in the way i deal with my own fucking life.

Don't know what the fuck i've been doing lately. Playing, busy having fun, hanging out, enjoyments one after another, such that i barely sit down and think about my future or, my studies. Even on train rides, i don't do such soul searching shit no more. Instead, i think about what i should do in the evening, who i should meet, what i should do or eat.

After so much fun and shit, i realised at the end of the day, that not what i really want. Its not me to lead a fun-filled carefree life all the time. Life isn't always that carefree. There's always some sorta stupid hindrance eg: financial issues, academic issues, relationship issues and what not. I'm not gonna list all of them.

But yeah, thing is, i find it hard to control my own life? Lack the discipline, the motivation, and some other shit. Now, where the fuck is my sense of responsibility and determination???

I wish one person could knock some fucking sense into me. I can't seem to drill any sense into my head. I'm still not back to reality really. All i do is have fun, run, and more running. yeah, literally running from the problems as well. To think i was once this person who would nail the problem, and rectify it asap. But what had happened to me now, i keep running away from things, refuse to see things and believe them. Gees man, this ain't doing me good.

And there are so many fucking things on hand, but i'm not doing much about it.
I have to do my resume, attend talks, draft cover letters, research on companies, decide whether to take up the MOE offer, read up on my lectures. I'm 6 fucking week behind time!, read up on postgrad courses in aussie, plan my finance, settle the fucking tution loan, 15 cheebye thousands, settle my insurance policy shit.

Is that enough reasons to let you know why i feel extremely fucked up???

Who needs a fuck when you're feeling more than fucked up!
BAh

fjlfjdlfjsdfjgh

So here's your holiday,
hope you remember enjoy this time, you gave it all away
it was mine, so when you're dead and gone
will you remember this night, twenty years now long
its my life

Fucking tired.
You guys should really try running in the rain. Its so liberating.

You're not alone in this

I'll Stand By You - The Pretenders

Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now.
Don't be ashamed to cry,
let me see you through
Cause I've seen the dark side too.
When the night falls on you,
you don't know what to do,
Nothing you confess
could make me love you less
I'll stand by you,
I'll stand by you,
won't let nobody hurt you,
I'll stand by you.
So, if you're mad get mad,
don't hold it all inside,
Come on and talk to me now.
And hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
But I'm alot like you.
When you're standing at the crossroads,
don't know which path to choose,
Let me come along,
cause even if your wrong
I'll stand by you,
I'll stand by you,
won't let nobody hurt you,
I'll stand by you.
Take me into your darkest hour,
and I'll never desert you.
I'll stand by you.
And when, when the night falls on you baby,
you're feeling all alone,
You won't be on your own,
I'll stand by you.
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you,
won't let nobody hurt you.
I'll stand by you
Take me in into your darkest hour
and I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you.

To one of my bestest friends Nim

Life always has its ups and downs. Whatever you're going through now, we've all been through too. Its only a short lousy phase of life you're going through, after that all will be good. You're not alone in this. You'll always have us, even though we're miles and miles away from each other. You will get over this really quick, trust me on that

and remember to S M I LE

The sweetest things in life

is not about having an 8 figure sum in your bank account
neither is it about owning the coolest and hippest car
or living in a big bungalow with maids to serve you

It is about having
someone whom you could rely on anytime and at anywhere
a leaning shoulder and a listening ear when you need one
a backup comedian when you're feeling downright shitty
someone who would nurse you when you're sick in bed
someone who would help you with your laundry and cooking
someone who would walk you to the doorstep
someone who would irritate the hell out of you, just to see you smile
someone whom you could share the bed with and cuddle to sleep
someone who would eat breakfast and take morning walks with you on Sundays
someone who loves my family as much as his
someone who would tell me i look nice even with PJs and bad hair day
someone who would tell me i'm a not bad driver, even though i'm really bad at it
someone who truly believes in traditional romance just as much as me

Where did the energy come from?

Recently, i don't know why the heck i've been so hyperactive.

It was rock climbing on Saturday, for a good 3 hrs.
And then it was tennis under the scorching sun for 2 hours. I even got a tan from that!

And tmr..it's gonna be running.

I don't know whats up with me lately. I seem to find perverse pleasure in exhausting myself. Evan even thinks i'm going the extreme. Nah, its really not that serious. And, if you think i'm suffering from some weird disorder, i'm not! Thats because i still EAT. I don't know why Evan has this impression that i eat little, or i don't eat or anything like that. Gees. I eat so much ever since all these daily evening runs. It's like my metabolism has elevated or something.

Anyway, dropped by sch today for tennis, then headed to the library to study. Met a couple of ppl, but didn't really bother to say hi. I'm not feeling exactly that friendly today. And home. Read the stupid forum on the fees hike. I pity the Student Union President. He was my Bahasa Indo classmate. Pretty nice and amiable guy. And some mother fucker was typing shit like asking him to resign from his position because he didn't do his job, ANDD, this fucker even volunteered himself to be in the Student Union's Exco. No prizes for guessing his skin colour. Haha. Typical

TYPI, sounds like TP. Which reminds me of the ppl who took their TP today. Congrats to Kenny for getting 14 points, two points lesser than me, 3 attempts. We're pretty much on par. And a big shout out to Leslie who failed with 34 points. Still better than my 48 points. Haha. At least there wasn't an immediate failure.

There's always a huge price to pay for your driver's licence..

Climb On!

Lets see, my sports achievements to date:

• Survivor (bronze) in swimming
• Table tennis (singles) (nationals, East Zone)
• Level 1 Windsurfing course
• Level 1 Rock Climbing

Not bad huh. I'm left with Diving, and maybe kayaking.

Rock climbing was really good yesterday. I've learnt how to climb and belay. Good adrenaline rush. I have so much respects for climbers. I don't know how they do it. mind over matter? I've managed to finish 1 wall with determination. Wow, good feeling when you're at the top. But took me ages, cuz i was resting half way on the wall. don't ask how i rest. I just stood close to the wall.

My toes are aching, because we had to step on really small tiles. So much tip toeing, just like ballet. My arms are aching like mad. It felt as though i did a million pull ups (wasn't even that bad after windsurfing). My legs..feel okay strangely. In fact, in rock climbing, you're supposed to exert your thigh muscles more than your arms. You know, like push yourself up to grab hold of a tile. But i ended up exerting my arm muscles more than my thighs. Perspired like mad when i'm halfway through climbing..Can die. Its so xiongggg. Climbers and belayers actually have special terms which they use during the climb. Cool eh?

I would love to go rock climbing again. I can bring beginners to rockwalls now, cuz i'm sorta certified =)

Recent Pictures

Some dinner i went on Saturday


Very happening ppl


Lao Yu Sheng








Was baking during the weekends..


The gross pre-mix. haha. Its my first attempt okay


Realised that i put too much dough. Got a sheet of cookie. bah


Then i've learnt from my mistakes, and realised, all the cookies looked flattened, some burnt


Grow a Boyfriend?
Haha, isn't this cute???????

Some stupid rubbish again

Pretty unproductive week i say
Apart from my A*star job, everyday is such a boring day.

Field trip to Sungei Buloh tmr
Rock Climbing on Saturday
Running on Sunday

What else is left...
Oh yes, might go for a short vacation during my mid sem break. Whee

And lastly, need to start planning for my graduation road trip!!

Might go to :

• Tioman
• Bangkok
• Aussie (urgh, not again)
• Europe! (oh yeah baby!)

With different groups of friends of course. So its time i start saving up.

But first, i need to to get CAP 4.0 this sem!!!!

The usual rubbish

I think i jog too much. Today, i pulled a muscle near my calf. =(

Its almost the start of Mid Term Break. What the hell, doesn't even feel like half the semester already. It feels as though i'm in the 2nd week of school or something. Got alot of things to do.

• start looking for job opportunities
• write my resume
• save lotsa money
• go for more investment talks
• networking
• be a career driven lady! Haha. who am i kidding

On a lighter note, i've been driving really often lately. Read: giving ppl lifts, sending back home, late night drivings. Pretty fun. However, i won't even consider driving to school. Firstly, petrol isn't cheap. Secondly, there's the ERP, and lastly, parking fees on campus is exorbitant. 95cents/hour? Imagine having a 6 hr lab on that day, followed by a lecture. Fuck it, i'd rather take the cab! And this stinking "World Class Uni" that i'm in is gonna raise its knnbccb sch fees by 5%($180). Reason being, they want more financial reserves for those ppl who can't afford sch fees or something. Think we charity organisation issit! If we give our money to these ppl, and when we become poor, who do we get money from? Grow money tree and wait for money to drop? Blood suckers

And i wonder what's in stored for us for the coming Budget on friday, since the fucking GE is approaching. I reckon its in March. See, here's another problem, these dumbfucks can't decide on the month, and the date, and so ppl can't apply for leave as yet. Just in case the GE happens to fall on the month of their getaway or something. Want ppl to vote, still make things so hard for us. But i'm thinking its in March, or at least thats what my mom said. Hur.

See, if they really want us to vote for them, here's what they should fucking do

• Freedom of speech (without having to registering to speak at that lousy inaccessible Hong Lim Park, let us speak anywhere we want. This is freedom!)
• More jobs for Singaporeans pls. Stop poaching foreign students to the "World Class Uni" on the pretext of getting them to do better and extensive research, so you can fucking boast about your F-grad biohub and shit
• Distribute the ERP according to annual income, and not on the type of flat you live in. Millionaires could be living in a 3 room flat also okay! While a pauper may live in a 5 room flat, because he probably has a bigger family!
• Solve the damn NKF saga! Do something about it. Don't collect big fat pay, and then tell us the story about "peanuts and monkeys". We so don't need to hear that. NATO.
  
• Don't start all these stupid terrorism preventive measure, when you can't even catch someone who got away with a gun
• Cheaper cars!
  
• Give the elderly pension. CPF is not pension. CPF is our personal savings, which you guys said we are mature enough to manage (read: casino issue), but still want a say in OUR money. Wah liew. Our hard earn money okay! Stop controlling our finances!
  
• Cut your own salary. Why do you earn so much more than the US ministers and president when we're as small as a piece of pi sai aka booger (according to taiwan)
• Stop raising the fucking public transport price! Collect COE and road tax not enough issit!
  
• And introducing the SMART and Silver cab was a fucking wrong move. Taxi drivers earn peanuts already, you still must like that. Then when the circle line is done, taxi drivers don't even earn peanut shells
• Stop being anal. Esp about the Buangkok White elephant saga. No sense of humour! Isn't this what you encouraged, thinking out of the box!
• Stop all the acting! Urgh. So glad TSK is going against you guys, for he's about to step down. HURRRRRR
  

And because of all these,
Singaporeans are always to hum(cockles) to voice their opinion. Yeah, i'm one of them. Unfortunately. Wanna bitch about them must do it closed doors. Haha. If you don't, then you'll end up being another CSJ. Well, let us commend him for being so courageous and straightforth yeah. He really has a passion for politics. But with his stupid track records, i wouldn't even want him to be in the cabinet, cuz sometimes, he just can't get his damn facts right.

Can there be love without chemistry?

This is one question posed by well..a friend/neighbour. Whatever you call him.

What do you think?

Well to me, i would like to say, there can be chemistry, but no love.
For example, how i have chemistry with so many guys around me, but i'm not attracted to them in a romantic way. Or maybe i'm just a fussy bitch. Heh

Back to the question, does love come with chemistry? From my experience, i always feel that there is love without the fucking chemistry. But you're gonna have a hard time dealing with the relationship, since the chemistry or x-factor is lacking. Wait, is that love or lust in that case? I don't know. I really don't dare say i love a person, when we can't connect, but, i'm still attracted to a person whom i don't have chemistry with. Okay, this confirm that it's lust i know. haha.

See, its not easy loving a person. Love comes with a lot of things, not just that special feeling. Its just like practising the piano. Once you've stopped, you just suck at it. And at this point of time, i just suck at loving someone. I mean, i've forgotten how to be affectionate or romantic. I think i'm getting used to my comfort zone, where everything just revolves around me and me and me. Who cares about the other half?

Lets tackle this question in another perspective. If two person share similar interest, are they assured of that exclusive chemistry between the two of them? I think not. Chemistry can't be based on simliar music tastes, hobbies etc. Its this X-factor. Something which you won't know, and no one will know. So you guys shouldn't laugh at me if i did happen to like some guy whom you all thought 'isn't really my kind'. I can't explain myself either. Shrugs

So here are the possiblities of a relationship:

1. Pr(no chemistry| no love)
2. Pr (there's chemistry| no love)
3. Pr( there's love | there's chemistry)
4. Pr (no love | there's chemistry)
5. pr ( there's love/lust | no chemistry)
   

So the ideal scenario is #3
I think i fall under #5.

All American Rejects - Straightjacket Feeling

Back me down from backing up
Hold your breath now it's stacking up
Etched with marks, but I can deal
And you're the problem and you can't feel
Try this on, straitjacket feeling
so maybe I won't be alone
Take back now, my life you're stealing

Yesterday was over
Today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is tearing holes in me again

Trust you is just one defense
off a list of others, you don't make sense
Beg me time and time again
to take you back now, but you can't win
Take back now, my life you're stealing

Yesterday was over
Today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is tearing holes in me again
but today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you

And when the memory slips away
There will be a better view from here
And only lonesome you remains
and just the thought of you I fear
it falls away

Yesterday was over
Today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is tearing holes in me again
but today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you

你好吗？

大家好！
这是我的网日志。
我已学会用华文msn跟朋友聊天。真有趣。因为我有一个朋友来自中国。但是他也会说英语。
不要小看我，其实我华文是不错的。haha. 6 年前，我的华文石A2的好不好？
我们要保留我们的传统文化！

this is pure rubbish.
HAHA
but i'm having so much fun typing in mandarin!!!!!!

To the Loser who tried posing as me on my tagboard,
You're too stupid to understand French, which makes you the real chao cheebye.

Random pictures

CNY @ Ryan's place




I never knew a helmet was so tight fitting. No blood circulation to my brain


My favourite girls at TCC

I thought you might wanna know that..

I'm suffering from some sorta lactose intolerance lately.
Gees man. Like milk makes my stomach really bad, following which, i do my 100m sprint to the toilet right after a glass of milk/coffee whatever.

Its a Wednesday night. And i almost forgot about Mambo. And what it was like clubbing. Hmm..Not that i really fancy clubbing these days. In fact, i abhor the clubs here. It's too crowded, how's one gonna dance with liberation, without having some sweaty bodies brushed against them. Uttterly gross. I like going to clubs where i won't perspire because its too stuffy and crowded. Clubs which allow me to sit down anywhere i want, after feeling tired or drunk. Clubs that have fun ppl, and not desperate ppl. Clubs with friendly ppl. Sky Garden it is! That one big memorable night. Hahah

Today, i received this email from NUS, and it says "Meet Warren Buffet in person" or something like that. And i thought to myself, wow, is he really coming to Sg, is that for real? And much to my chagrin, the damn school is actually organising a stupid tour to the US for his conference or seminar, which i suppose they're not sponsoring. 6 bloody days only, and i can imagine how expensive it'll be. If only i applied for NOC, then they'll probably post me to UPenn or something. Damn it. I only knew about NOC after i applied for my exchange. Knn. See, the thing about NOC is, you're getting the real deal out of it. They're paying you like 1k (SGD) per month, and you get all the working experience and shit. It'll look so magnificent on your resume. Nerggg. But that's alright, i'm doing shit for Astar at this point of time, and hopefully that will look good on my resume too. I'm considering applying for a job at IMCB (institute of molecular cell biology), but i have to pull strings to get in there. Not like i have that fantastic grades. Bah

Ahh fuck, i'm taking the car out to meet Dolls for supper. She's leaving for China, Shanghai. Woo. Too bad not Beijing.
I'm running real late!

XOXO
grace

Bar None @ Marriot Hotel

I just got back from Bar None to watch a performance by a friend. He's in this local band called Leesonband. Go check out www.leesonband.com apparently according to bud, i heard they're the next up and coming band like Electrico. Great indie/alternative rock tracks. Not too bad drinks. Happy hour till 10pm. Whee.

Along with them were many other local bands. The decent ones of course. As in those who have actually performed during Baybeats and stuff. I guess this is one good way to get the locals exposed to a "made in singapore" band. Local bands just sound different from the usual. Weird huh. But i still enjoyed my night nonetheless

A dozen smiles no sweeter than others.

A poem written by one of my friends to all of us who made his Sydney trip so wonderful.

Along with the crowd, 12 strangers boarded
QF32 was heading for down under
Its miraculous how the magic really started
The cohesiveness was an eighth world wonder.
Cooking, Partying, Beach-ing and Bonding
Days after Days, 42 elated ones
A physical dream we were living
Before the weeks counted itself to months
And our numbered days began unsuspectingly
The memories locked, the reality awaits
Gone will be Coogee. Bondi and the City
12 pals boarded QF5, for home it heads.
Sydney time the watch reads in denial and persistence
As I pondered what well be doing in that momentary instance
Theres always Ryan to plan it all.
And JunXiong for company. naps in shopping mall.
Weilin and Eilieen probably stocking up their cellar
Victor, Jinson, frying luncheon for dinner
Shanice, our daily feast shed be whipping
And if I were Mel, the rice Ill be steaming
While Yew Mun sits in his room, typing and reading
I peeped out the window, hmm to Gracy Ill be waving
And for all the times I chat with Cecilia. all night. all day.
Those were the days. Those were the days.

A dozen smiles no sweeter than others.

Awww..ain't he sweet?
Told you we love each other that much after Sydney

And i've also got a picture collage done by another friend, capturing all the wonderful memories in Sydney

The past that never fails to make me smile

I miss the days at UniLodge where

• we'll all take a powernap after we walk back from school, wake up at 7pm to cook dinner together
• we all went jogging together
• we all meet at 0930 every morning at the lobby to go to school together
• we did our laundries together
• we could just go over to each other's place even at wee hours
• we talked to each other online though we're just a few metres away
  
• we borrowed DVDs to watch at the lounge
• i could wave to Leafy from my room
• i could see Victor on the phone everynight
• we would crash ppl's room whenever we have nothing better to do
• we all lugged groceries back together
• we raid each other's fridge
• we have dinner like a big happy family
• we just go over to each other's place like nobody's business
• we take turns to wash the dishes and cook dinner
• we learnt how to cut a stupid mango
• we laughed and see who had the messiest room
• we talked so much cock after dinner, and by the time we finished talking its already 11pm
• we didn't even bother about studying.
• we borrowed books from each other to finish up our essay assignments

I miss the days at New College where

• we never fail to go to mackers every night for late night coffee or supper
• we knocked on each other's door to wake everyone up
• we walked to Red Hat for excellent chinese food
• we ate maggie mee from 1 pathetic pot (which belonged to me)
• we had to eat 2 mangoes each on the last night
• we could walk to school in just 2 mins
• we shared our toiletries and stuff
• we spent nights talking at the corridor, and it was so so peaceful
• we go to each other's room to talk cock again
• we ate Pizza Hut
• we helped each other pack and weigh the damn luggages
• we all looked equally gross and unglam

So glad we're still meeting up =)

What's your major?

You scored as Biology. You should be a Biology major! You are passionate about the sciences, and you enjoy studying cell growth and evolutionary concepts which enable living organisms to survive. Pursue that! Biology 100% Psychology 100% Chemistry 92% Mathematics 75% Anthropology 75% Journalism 67% Philosophy 58% Theater 58% Linguistics 50% Engineering 50% English 42% Art 42% Sociology 42% Dance 17% What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3) created with QuizFarm.com Truth to be told, I am a biology major aka life science hur. Weird, i thought i hated life science?

Trekking

Yesterday i had quite an amazing time in school.
We went trekking at Kent Ridge, just behind Science, for this Ecology module that i'm taking
And you won't believe this, my havaianas slippers survived throughout the entire journey.
I'm just too stubborn to wear shoes you see. I'm not talking about straight concrete paths like Bukit Timah Hill. We bloody had to walk into the jungle. I'm not complaining this time, cuz I've survived Smiths Lake, which was 100X worse! "worse than army" according to the guys. So, what we had to do was, walk down this fucking steep slope (not made of concrete), where shrubs, stones, branches were scattered all over (times like these, i thank god my slippers had reasonably good grip). And then at the mid point of the slope, we had to measure a circle of radius 5m, start counting the number and types of trees/plants, take ground temperature, measure the canopy cover and the diameter of the barks.

Thats pretty much what we had done for our practical. Met some Biodiversity students at KentRidge too. And then the TA offered to show us some bunkers behind Kent Ridge. I don't even know why its still there. It's been there since the British Colonial times. As usual, you have to climb up stupid steep slopes and stuff to get there. Quite interesting and eerie.

And i still don't understand why they call the Tembusu tree, the NUS tree. How lame is that.

Meeting the Nut later
Probably movie with the parents after that.

ciao!

For The Very Bored

ipods


40 pods


1 pod


looking like abalone


im an addict of sudoku


the new layout of my room. Done by my parents when i was in Sydney


Not too bad huh


My favourite

Lets see what events had taken place lately:

• CNY, my collection was close to $300
• i've got a job. A-Star is paying me $25/hr. So im getting $400 a month
• i'm addicted to jogging and green tea
• fucked up nus sent me a hoax mail, telling me i can't graduate this semester. nabei
• i've watched 2 movies.Long weekend & In Her Shoes
• I haven't gone clubbing ever since SkyGarden
• I'm suffering from insomnia, sleeping at 4am daily
• my complexion is crap
• i'm eating lesser
• my dog is still very irritating
• i love my friends =)