The fat and the ugly

The best thing i love about exams is, the stress. Haha.
Boy do i sound really psychotic. Because when i'm stressed, i barely eat. And when i don't eat i don't gain weight. I lose weight instead. How nice. While others binge on chocolates, instant noodles, candies, coookies, i on the other hand surive on 1 meal a day. Which explains why i've lost 3kg in 1 damn week.
Its not that i have an eating disorder, i'm afraid i would never succumb to that, cuz Singapore's food is simply too good to be missed. But rather, i lose all appetite knowing that i have half a sem's work to cover in 7 hrs. Which is rather screwed i would say.

So good luck to those fatties who have gained weight during exam period! You guys have to go work your ass off to lose that kilo of lipids. I on the other hand, will a) remain like that b) eat and work out.

I can't seem to understand how some ppl can stock up their ration as though terrorists are gonna bomb NUS any minute. Read: 4 bars of chocolates, canned food, instant noodles, chips. WTF?

And today's microbiology paper was pretty much a breeze. Hahhhhh. And that makes me happy. And when i'm happy, i eat. I went for a family dinner. We had chilli crabs, and some other dishes. 10 damn solid zhi char dishes.

Its time i go mug for my Medication module.
Ciao.

Are you who you are?

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust.

Take the quiz here

Now, this is really the true me.

ROARRRRRRRR

Here's one of those stupid Friendster msgs i've received from losers. This one really takes the cake. I'd rather ppl type "can b frz?" rather than this lame piece of shit.

"Hello,

First of all i know you've been hit on by at least 15-
20 guys a week on here, all wanting one thing or
another, and youre probably laughing at all the
clowns.

Next, i'd just like to take 3 minutes of your time,
to let you know that I enjoyed reading your
profile, and I wanna know what you're like.

Id like to invite u, to just think abt it for a second:
if u met a nice guy on here, and wanted to chat
further with him, wouldnt it be good if both of u had
msn? You both could add each other, talk, and
enjoy the company. And, in case things dont work
out, we
could always be friends. ;-)

Toldya this letters pretty long. I bet it took a few
minutes of your day (hours maybe, depending on
how many times youve read it). Anyways, you've
had a look at your mail folder, clicked on the
icons, read the letter, and probably giggling right
now. Go on, hit that reply button, and i guarantee
you'll get a dozen other things to laugh about
within the next few days.

Catchya

Dave

P.S> Dont worry, I wont tell anyone we met on the internet! ;-) "

Why does this msg take the cake?
Because its fucking lame. What sorta pick up line is that? Even my dog can come up with a better pick up line, or a pick up bark rather.
Use a better pick up line next time to compensate for your uglyness/loser-ness

Irks the hell out of me.

My Own Worst Enemy

Sometimes, i am my own worst enemy.
I hate myself for quite a bit of things. Alot rather.

Firstly, i can't stand the way i can't have full control of my own life.
I give in to temptations, vulnerabilities, weakness etc etc.
I am such a sucker.
I can't find ways to make myself even stronger or independent for that matters.
I can't push myself entirely to really move on. I've tried. I know i've tried, maybe i'm still not good enough for this challenge. What a loser i am.
I seem to be stuck in this fucking rut. Me being the sucker, me getting hurt blah blah.
I find my life a big mess at times. Things don't go my way, and me being the typical Arian Perfectionist literally feel that my life is being wrecked whenever things don't go my way, or when i can't control certain things. Or worse still, when i lose out, or i lose in some form of competition or another

And the only way to partially overcome all these is to create some malicious intents. But i dont suppose i'll hurt everyone that comes into my life.
I think i've changed.
Some ppl think i have. They don't see me the way the used to see me. They might judge me, but its okay, its absolutely normal and i understand.
They will probably never think very highly of me now (which really doesn't matter to me anymore)
They will see me in a different light.
And they will definitely know what a sucker and a weakling i am.

This, is the real me

This morning, i woke up, thinking that last night, the convo between me and kow was a nightmare. Just now, i woke up from my nap, i thought i had a nightmare too.
But guess what, its not a nightmare. It did happen. And the fucking day has come.

I'm thinking of ways to ease the pain.

With that, i'm going on a short hiatus. Look forward to my posts on Sydney

Yours,
Grace

Im getting kinda depressed

Depressed over my damn weight, cuz i havent gone jogging for 2 weeks. the only time i excercised was 2 days ago. And that was 10 fucked up minutes of skipping, cuz i felt so damn giddy

Depressed over how unhealthy i am, bad eating habits, lazy to move my ass ard.

Depressed over my fucking up exams

Depressed over how bad i look

and every gawd damn thing in the world.

Silverchair - Miss you love

Millionaires say
Got a big shot deal
And thrown it all away but
But I'm not too sure
How I'm supposed to feel
Or what I'm supposed to say but
I'm not, not sure
Not too sure how it feels
To handle every day
And I miss you love

Make room for the prey
Cause I'm coming in
With what I wanna say but
It's gonna hurt
And I love the pain
A breeding ground for hate but

I'm not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle everyday
Like the one that just passed
In the crowds of all the people

Remember today
I've no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss you love

I love the way you love
But I hate the way
I'm supposed to love you back

It's just a fad
Part of the teen, teenage angst brigade and
I'm not, not sure
Not too sure how it feels
To handle everyday
Like the one that just passed
In the crowds of all the people

Remember today
I've no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss you love

Remember today
I've no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I missed you

I love the way you love
But I hate the way
I'm supposed to love you back

ps: i'll be going to Smith Lake for a field trip on from the 7th-12th Dec, so hobs, we could only meet on the 6th! You better meeet me!

Silverchair is excellet! And you're supposed to lend me Neon Ballroom & Diaorama!!!

I have no respect for someone! =) Am i a nice person?

Exam Blues

The exams is pretty good at tinkering with my mood and behaviour.
Been damn moody lately (not pms). I lose my patience way too easily.
And i get mad over little things.

On my hate list:

1. damn exams
2. breakouts
3. temptations to laze around
4. early mornings
5. ppl who msg me on msn, make small talks, and then disappear (dont bloody msg me when you dont feel like talking) hobs, not you! dont worry. Thats why i rather be on Offline Mode
6. ugly ppl on friendster who type things like "can be frz". I say, you fucking eat shit and die. Ugly and brainless. Get lost.
7. ppl cutting queue to enter the faregate of the MRT station
8. ppl BLOCKING the damn faregate
9. and my latest pet peeve, FUCKING STUPID PPL, who can't KEEP LEFT. Sometimes i really wonder why these ppl are that inconsiderate. It wont kill to keep left. Some ppl are in a hurry you know
10. the damn MRT having some problems with the track on FRIDAY. Pull that trick again on my exams, and i swear i'll send a letter to ST forum
11. ppl smoking
12. ppl walking too slowly! Its not your grandfather's path mind you!
13. that cookie jar girl. Yes call me petty, but i still get damn fucking irritated
14. the singapore weather. Monsoon season my bloody arse!
15. King-sized homosapiens who try to squeeze themselves in between two normal homosapiens on the train. They don't know how much heat they're emitting, and not forgeting the odour. Neither do they realise that plonking their butts into that small seat, meant for Asians is almost an impossible task.

Maybe i'm just in a bad mood.

Forgive me.

Sunny Sunday

It's a really sunny Sunday today.
HEE.

Sunday= studying day. Though i would love to bask in the sun or go to the beach at this point of time.
Damn exams.
Glad i've managed to mug mug mug all night. Completed my immunology shit on tolerance and hypersensitivity. Heh.

Anyway, i caught Exorcism of Emily Rose yesterday with my buddy Ahkow. He's second guy i know who covers his eye in the movies. (WAHAHAHA). He was a BMT instructor who spews vulgarities like no body's business, he torments his recruits, then in the cinema, he covers his eyes because he's scared. That was pretty amazing. And of course, there's our good friend Mathew, who covers his eyes too, while we were watching this show called The Others? I can't remember. Funny guys. I think they're SNAGS. No guys would cover their eyes in front of girls. Those who act like they are not scared are just full of male machoism and ego. Come on, girls actually like seeing sensitive side of guys (for me at least). HAHA. When guys cry, i get really intrigued (not happy, you think i'm some sorta sadist?) Ah, the show wasn't too bad. Court case drama + a little snippets of horror shots. And for me, i did my classic two index finger covering my ear act. Strange eh. Its like a reflex action or sort, i always cover my ears when i watch horror show. I mean, you pay to watch a movie, then you better open your damn eyes. If not, money wasted. Am i making sense?

I might be going Bangkok in Jan after i come back from Sydney. HOORAH!

ps: My mom was reading the papers today, about blogs, and she asked if i had one. Haha.
I muttered some rubbish. I mean, er...i don't exactly wanna lie to her, neither do i wanna tell her about my blog. Oh what the heck

pps: does anybody wanna go to Sexpo? (singapore's first sex exhibition)- $15 bucks. Above 21 only.

Reliving the old days

This is my friend Pam, she's trying to sprint in the damn toilet.
How spastic can she be. HAHA


IJ, Jap girl, NJC



Mags & I. The damn lab coat! No wonder all scientists are ugly (excluding myself)



Future Life scientist


Emmie & I


Check out the Scouts uniform!! ANd the SAS uniform!


Regina and I




Yakun toast?


Big bullies







Marquee

Yay!

Yippy!!!!!!!!

I got 85% for one very important test (30% of my final grade)

YAY

I can go party like mad now!!


BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Howie Day- She Says

Chords:

C: X32010
C*: X32030
Cmaj7:X32000
F: X33211
G: 320003
Am: X02210

Intro: strum quickly C C C* C* C* C C Cmag 7 Cmag 7 Cmag7
(continue into verse)

(Verse) Sweet as the sight of a room, window opened by candlight,
ohhh would you know? Cold winter on the shore chills the dress she
wore....
F G C Am F
(Bridge) Thats why I am wondering why you had to tell me, what's
G C Am F
going on in your head, what's wrong...

F G Am
(Chorus)And when she says she wants somebody else, I hope you know she
C F G
doesnt mean you. And when she breaks down, and makes a sound, you'll
Am C
never hear her the way that I do...

Such an excellent song!

Exam Blues

I wish i could show you guys how bad my complexion is now.
1001 zits coupled with excessive sebum production.
Well, no thanks to a) the exam blues b)the daily all nighters

My complexion is beyond description. *shudders*

Lets not talk about it.

I've got a party to attend tomorrow. It's my friend's 21st at D'marquee. Some bistro+pub at Church Street.
And the theme of the party is Uniform
Guess what i'll be wearing? No prizes for guessing. Its obviously my KC uniform! (duh) I'm emotionally attached to that uniform. 10 freaking years, how can you not feel its sentimental value huh?

The damn good news is, i'm still able to wear my pinafore (i bought that in p5). Back then in P5, the pinafore was so long, now, the length is just perfect. Its always better to have it short than long. Wah, and i could still fit into my blouse. That says alot huh. I think its looser on me now. (yippy!)

Hmm..so lets see, should i wear my glasses tmr? I mean, glasses and uniform and sneakers..its sorta like a package isnt it? I don't know. We'll see. I'll definitely put up pics. Cuz i think i look so bloody good in the uniform (just kidding). I mean, i look a million times better in my IJ uniform than my Super Raffles JC uniform. The colour makes me sick. Think beige + khaki. What sorta fucked up combination is that. Not only does the colour resemble SHIT (literally shit can), the cutting of the skirt is shit too. Thank god for something called altering. I had to alter my skirt, so that my skirt looks more JC-ish, and not like a piece of 50yr old auntie office wear. Ooh, and ive even got my badge ready. Tmr, i can turn back the time to 2000 (yes! 5 freaking years ago), but of course, i'm way better looking now then i was 5 yrs ago. And i shan't go into details about that.

Woopee. I think its time to hit the books again!

I can't wait to go Sydney!!

Haha 

Weekend Blues

I'm a little irritated. You'll know why
Here's an email i sent to my Human Disease Lecturer. I've chose not to mention His name, just in case he googles his name, which im sure many ppl do, including myself. Hail narcissism! (how do you spell that anyway? its like spelling mississippi)

Dear Prof,
i actually have some queries pertaining to your lectures.

1. Is the antigen of the T cells the accumulated lipids in the macrophage?

2. What affects the instability of a plaque that results in rupture? What causes the thinning of the fibrous cap?

3. Does the narrowing of artery wall lead to a haemorrhage in plaque?

4. As for FH, it is caused by LDL receptor mutation therefore cholesterol can't be transported to liver for catabolism. What about IDL? They can too transport cholesterol back to the liver right?

5. Some readings suggested that CETP inhibitors could be used to increase HDL, and hence lower the plasma cholesterol. If a patient suffers from FH, will CETP inhibitors still be useful to them?

And his reply :
Grace, your questions will be dealt with during the tutorial.

Excuse moi! The reason why i send you emails is because
1. I hate attending your damn tutorials
2. You can't get me to open my mouth to ask questions in front of the entire LT
3. I suffer from a bad case of attention deficit in your class
4. I never knew what the hell you were teaching till i studied those chapters on my own

Now he tells me he'll answer my burning questions in tutorial! Gees man. Isn't tutorial the time where he gives us questions, and we try to answer them? What is this? role reversal? Its not even a Q&A session.

Grrrr.

Anyway, i had really bad indigestion problem last night.
I took an antacid tablet, containing Simethicone as the active ingredient! Way to go! I'm all right now. And i'm ready to binge on my M&S Chocolate Digestives.

Last night, I had dinner with my parents at Marché.
I had a roast chicken leg, with a huge ass serving of mashed potatoe. Sigh, so much for my no-carbs dinner. It was fantastic. And, we also shared a bowl of fried calamari. This is the only time i would eat sotong. Because they really taste like rubber. Gawd knows how they get digested, because i'm sure as hell that i didn't masticate those sotongs into little bolus.
And we had coffee at Spinelli's
And, i bought 2 VCDs from HMV. Hahh.
And i bought some facial products!

Whee!

On Trying So Hard

Some ppl try so hard, just to fit into the group
Others don't even have to try, they just fit in like a hand into a glove.

The former belongs to Type 1
The latter belongs to Type 2

Type 1
They think its hip and cool to be seen with high profile ppl. They try their very best to fit in. More often than not, they still can't fit in (gawd knows why they just don't stop trying). They think ppl will "woah" them, if they're seen with the cool clique. They do what the clique does, even if it means eating meat if you're a vegetarian (haha. this is a random example). They follow their clique to a club that places trance all night even though they hate the hell out of trance. They're ashamed of their neighbourhood secondary school/jc. In short, they just want others to think that they're from some cool jcs. Sometimes, its not about who you hang out with that would lead others to think that you're from a cool jc, but rather, its how you carry yourself, how you speak, and how you behave. Be yourself, and not let your actions/words be swayed by the clique

Type2
They really don't care if the clique is from a cool and rich school. They basically hang out with the clique because they're fun, not because they're rich and have houses 10 times the size of mine. Also, they hang out with them because they're genuinely nice ppl who don't backstab. Thats one misconception about the ppl from the rich and cool jc. They backstab, they are bitchy, they have expensive taste. Well, let me tell you, they aren't. Okay, back to Type 2. They are themselves with the clique, they do what they like, they eat what they like, and they never conform to any sort of peer pressue. They are never ashamed to tell ppl that they are from SRJC, even though a million and 1 had told them that they look like they're from **JC, because they have the "seh", and that they don't look the least bit cheena. I'm from SRJC, and i'm happy.

I was so bloody peeved at a remark one of my friends passed. She's not from my clique. Yes, she's from a neighbouring sec sch and jc. No offence, but i'm from SRJC, a neighbouring jc with the most awful uniform, so what talking you ah? Anyway, here's what she said "do you feel like you always have to dress up really well to fit into their group"
And i told her " hell fucking no! Why the hell would i dress up for anyone, furthermore they're not guys! I wear what i want. And what i wear is what i have in my wardrobe! Whatever gave you this stupid impression. I don't even attempt to fit in!"
Its so irritating i swear. Who says i dress glamly to school everyday. I have my unglam days too okay! Where i clad myself in ratty tshirts, and shorts, slippers, my awful glasses, and to top it off nicely, a bad hair day. The only reason why she said this to me was because she knows that i'm from SRJC. While the rest of the other friends (not the clique) assumed i'm from the same school as my clique, because i "look like the kind". Siao. What is "the kind"? I speak english, you speak english, so tell me what is "THE KIND". Gees. She's the only exception who thinks i try to fit into the group. Irritating. While the rest thinks im from their jc becuz it looks like i have a stamp on my forehead that says "i'm from **JC.

After hanging out with my clique, the whole world thinks im from **JC. Some even asked if i was a triathelete in their school last time. WTF? I have weird ppl asking me..so how come i've never seen you in **JC. And the reason why ppl know that my clique is from **JC and assume that i'm from **JC too is because..er..i hate to say this, we're a pretty prominient clique. And some friends told us that some ppl were afraid of us! What nonsense can!

We are nice ppl. I'm a nice person.
Period.
I don't care how cool they are or how filthy rich they are, if you're nice, and we are on the same frequency, we are flens! haha.

I'm feeling fucked up as ever each time i look at past entries/diary entries.
FUCKED UP.

read the fucked up shit here.

Now, the problem is not becuz i miss him, or how i wanna patch (hell no! fucking disgusting thought), but rather, why do i deserve to be hurt that badly? Why must i be the one feeling sad/depressed all for one person? Why did i have to go through all of these, when all i wanna do is give all my love to that 1 person.

Why?

I swear i totally don't deserve all that crap

Me and my bloody bo-liaoness. Shouldn't even bother reading the damn archives nor my diary.
They can go burn in hell.
I hate them. And i hate the hell outta him!
Asshole.

Don't even try asking whether i have moved on or not, becuz i don't know, and i really don't care.
You can go judge for yourself.

Paranoid Android

i really have a problem adjusting my circadian rhythm aka biological clock back to usual. I sleep at unearthly hour, i wake up at ungodly hour. Which could be quite a turn off. I think. Imagine me waking up at the time when ppl are ready to eat lunch (ie: 11am). And before i could even go to bed, the morning papers have already been delivered to my door step (ie: 5am)

What do i do now? I always have this strange craving for coffee after 1am. Haha. Probably thats why i can't sleep. I don't know.

Worried that my exams are in about 3 weeks time! On the other hand, i'm looking forward to my summer program in sydney. That brings me to another point, i've yet to purchase my health insurance! Grr.

About the magician. Can't really help feeling paranoid and confused yada yada. It should be a temporary thing i suppose. Meanwhile, i have a question!

Question: What are the possible reasons for a guy not msging a girl on MSN, given that they're both on Online mode.

Glad i've managed to complete my final Microbiology Lab Report. Reports are way too annoying if you have to do them on a weekly basis

Hey Evan, i hope everything's good yeah! Remember, always to back up data! Use your ipod lah. Its good enough. Or buy an external hard disk to save stuff, or, if you're broke and desperate, just email the damn thing to your own email account, so you know your projects/reports are safe if the comp of a bitch decided to crash on you.

See, it does pay to be a little paranoid at times.

Speaking about paranoia. I admit, i was once a paranoid andriod, what Radiohead would term. I used to keep double checking if i've locked the door, or whether ive brought my wallet out etc. Recently, this paranoia is back again. Each time when i drive, i keep thinking how i might forget to lock the car, and ppl might open the car door and steal the stuff in my dad's car. Or how i might forget to turn off the engine, or the headlights etc etc. I'm so paranoid each time i drive. And, i hope to overcome all these shit. Its one reason why i'm starting to like driving a little lesser.

I think i'm under stress. And hence the stinking paranoia in me.

The Greatest View

You're the analyst
The fungus in my milk
When you want no one
And you got someone
Through the wind you crawl
And laugh at burning dunes
But no one else will ever see
Now that you know why you feel like you do
They're turning their head whilst they wait for no one
And finally I know why you feel like letting go
I'm watching you watch over me
And I've got
The greatest view from here
I'm watching you watch over me
And I've got
The greatest view from here here
Mistakes don't mean a thing
If you don't regret them
So pack your tactic toes for the winter
Chain a waterfall to burned and withered skin
No one else will ever see
I'm watching you watch over me
And I've got
The greatest view from here
I'm watching you watch over me
And I've got
The greatest view from here
Now that you know why you feel like you do
They're turning their head whilst they wait for no one
And finally I know why I feel like you're letting go
I'm watching you watch over me
And I've got
The greatest view from here
I'm watching you watch over me
And I've got
The greatest view from here
The greatest view from here
The greatest view

:)