Directionless

Lately, i've realised that i've lost my directions in life. I'm lacking this drive to get stuff done, i lack this sense of seriousness, and maybe to some extent, maturity in the way i deal with my own fucking life.

Don't know what the fuck i've been doing lately. Playing, busy having fun, hanging out, enjoyments one after another, such that i barely sit down and think about my future or, my studies. Even on train rides, i don't do such soul searching shit no more. Instead, i think about what i should do in the evening, who i should meet, what i should do or eat.

After so much fun and shit, i realised at the end of the day, that not what i really want. Its not me to lead a fun-filled carefree life all the time. Life isn't always that carefree. There's always some sorta stupid hindrance eg: financial issues, academic issues, relationship issues and what not. I'm not gonna list all of them.

But yeah, thing is, i find it hard to control my own life? Lack the discipline, the motivation, and some other shit. Now, where the fuck is my sense of responsibility and determination???

I wish one person could knock some fucking sense into me. I can't seem to drill any sense into my head. I'm still not back to reality really. All i do is have fun, run, and more running. yeah, literally running from the problems as well. To think i was once this person who would nail the problem, and rectify it asap. But what had happened to me now, i keep running away from things, refuse to see things and believe them. Gees man, this ain't doing me good.

And there are so many fucking things on hand, but i'm not doing much about it.
I have to do my resume, attend talks, draft cover letters, research on companies, decide whether to take up the MOE offer, read up on my lectures. I'm 6 fucking week behind time!, read up on postgrad courses in aussie, plan my finance, settle the fucking tution loan, 15 cheebye thousands, settle my insurance policy shit.

Is that enough reasons to let you know why i feel extremely fucked up???

Who needs a fuck when you're feeling more than fucked up!
BAh