3 Doors Down - Loser

Breathe in right away,
nothing seems to fill this place
I need this every time,
take your lies get off my case
Some day I will find,
a love that flows through me like this
This will fall away, this will fall away

You're getting closer,
to pushing me off of life's little edge
Cause I'm a loser
and sooner or later you know I'll be dead
You're getting closer,
you're holding the rope and I'm taking the fall
Cause I'm a loser, I'm a loser, yeah

This is getting old,
I can't break these chains that I hold
My body's growing cold,
there's nothing left of this mind or my soul
Addiction needs a pacifier,
the buzz of this poison is taking me higher
This will fall away, this will fall away

You're getting closer,
to pushing me off of life's little edge
Cause I'm a loser
and sooner or later you know I'll be dead
You're getting closer,
you're holding the rope and I'm taking the fall
Cause I'm a loser, I'm a loser, yeah

This song is dedicated to all the gawd damn losers out there.

And thinking about it, i don't even think i owe anyone an apology.
And if some still wants to continue being  a petty pussy,
i have two words for them, "suck it".
Fancy getting mad over things like these. If you can't even take a little joke like this,
maybe its time to realise that the world does not become a nicer place for your sake.
Go find your funny bone, and learn to take jokes with a pinch of salt.

A bad case of a misunderstanding?

What could be worse, than to have ppl misunderstanding you. With them having an impression of you as someone who judges, someone who wants to be cool, seen with the cool, someone who puts ppl down, bruising their ego with ill intentions.

It's so not nice to be wronged. For one, i never had any intention of putting ppl down, making insinuating comments in front of ppl. And if you think my tone had some added effects on my comments which made them sound as though i was crushing your ego or esteem, them maybe you're so wrong about me.

The thing about me is, i pass comments with sheer honesty, but it doesn not mean i'm tactless. Well, fine, others may think that was tactless. But hey, all these were passed off in the name of fun. I really don't see how my supposedly harmless comments would piss ppl off in one way or another. I guess ppl don't know my style. It is my style to 'suan', to irritate and to laugh at their funny antics. I would never ever, hurt anyone in front of everyone just like that. I don't usually dislike ppl, but even if i do dislike a particular person, i won't make it obvious to everyone, but rather, i'll make it obvious to the person him/herself. What do i gain from bruising ppl's ego? It doesn't make my any bigger. And i know what its like to have an ego crushed. I know about ego and self esteem. I grew up with really low self esteem. My childhood was crap, because my esteem was rock bottom low. And till now, i stil have an esteem issue with myself.

Others, close ones, think that i'm seen as "cool" or want to be "cool" thats why i passed off comments like these. that is so full of shit. Its just me, whether or not you're cool, or uncool i don't care. Okay, i do judge ppl, but i treat everyone equally. So what if you're from a neighbouring school, so what if you are cheena, i would accomodate you, and speak to you in mandarin, and thats what i've been doing in sydney. Speaking mandarin. And it was all great fun nonetheless. I'm not even bothered by the fact how they're not from english speaking school and shit like that. It doesn't mean that i hang out with ACJC ppl, means that i'm just like them. In fact, thats the stupid impression ACJC ppl give to others, they don't even know us, and they think we're stuck up. I wanna reiterate again, i hang out with the ACs, but i'm never to shy to admit that i'm from SRJC.

What disappointed me most was how someone, whom i knew for 4 years, together with for 2 years could even wronged me. How he thought i was judgemental, and i treat different people equally. Okay, i admit, i judge, but i don't make friends selectively, in case you didn't know. I don't even select my friends. Why should one deserve more attention than the other when both are humans. Yeah, it is sad to know that after all these years, he still doesn't know me, nor my style. He can't even differentiate my remark from an insult. And how i socialise selectively with his friends, because one of them has a funny accent. what fuck shit is this? I suppose he never really knew me all that well even till today. And i'm glad that the words he told me, mirrors himself, since he can't even tolerate being in a hall where ppl speak chinese. Whats wrong with that man?

And i'm never gonna hang out with this clique anymore. For they have their own style, and i have my own. Theirs: every single word is sensitive to each soul in the clique. Mine: Speak whatever you want, laugh along with everything. If i can't even be myself when hanging out with this clique, why bother. Its so stupid.

And to the man who was still mad at me becuz of the berms incident, kudos to you! You probably have more nerves connecting to the emotion section in your brain.

If being misunderstood makes ppl happy, and gives them an avenue to bitch and curse at me, then go ahead.

What can i do about it?

Tomorrow

http://www.youtube.com/w/Smallville---Avril-Lavigne---Tomorrow?v=Uc-oQN2_fyc&search=music%20videos%20avril%20lavigne


hey guys, go watch this video.
And then tell me, how many of you were in such a situation- losing someone, getting him/her back, then having the person losing you.This cycle repeats several times until both of you lost each other.
Its such a sad video, but beautifully edited.
Don't say i didn't warn you, its a tad emo.


p/s: if the video is laggy, what you could do is pause it first, then go view it 10mins later.

Tomorrow

http://www.youtube.com/w/Smallville---Avril-Lavigne---Tomorrow?v=Uc-oQN2_fyc&search=music%20videos%20avril%20lavigne


hey guys, go watch this video.
And then tell me, how many of you were in such a situation- losing someone, getting him/her back, then having the person losing you.This cycle repeats several times until both of you lost each other.
Its such a sad video, but beautifully edited.
Don't say i didn't warn you, its a tad emo.

Talking to ya flatmate

This afternoon, i was talking to Nut over msn. I was bored so she gave me some stupid email address, and told me to add this person. So it was her flatmate, Craig. Haha. Mr Britsh-Jap aka Mr I-Love-Frying-Tempura-and-burning-the-kitchen-ceiling-at-the-same-time. Not any better than Mr Beijing. So great, Nut told him that i've got a report, which requires translation from English into Japanese. WTF???? So, then i msged him, and then i think i was quite a moron.

saving grace says:
oh could you translate 'Welcome To Singapore' for me in japanese?
Craig says:
シンガポールへようこそ
Craig says:
or can u not read
Craig says:
singapore e youkoso
saving grace says:
Oh alright. thanks alot
Craig says:
oh is that it, i was expecting a whole report haha

Report huh nut!!
Grr. You made me sound like an idiot. Haha

And yes, he's boring. He kept asking so many questions.Irritating. Being Ms friendly, see how i can make convos interesting. Just like how i always make our msn convo so fun and exciting! =)

At UniLodge, every dinner is a Reunion Dinner

Prawns were going really cheap at the market


Pizzas too


What a feast huh. Its not even a special occasion!


Sometimes when all get lazy and can't be bothered to cook, we get this


Another mad feast


The last dinner, trying to clear all the groceries


My gawddd! So much food


Birthday celebration!
Everyone in their unglams

I miss all of you!!!

James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.(x2)

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.(x2)

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.(x2)

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.(x2)

The Long Weekend!

Today's pretty much a good day.
Lets see what i did today..

I woke up at 12noon, ate abit, watched oprah, read some stuff, ate, slept from 3pm-5pm. What the hell..I swear i have excessive melatonin secretion from my pineal glands. FYI, melatonin is this hormones that kinda regulates your circadian rhythm (aka sleep-wake cycle), so the production of melatonin is 10x higher at night than in the day. But for me, the production is constantly elevated. And i do believe that some ppl suffer from narcolepsy because of this hormone. I think

And then i headed to town in the evening. Caught a movie, The Long Weekend. Together with me was Dolly, Nut, Kow and Tim. Funny movie..Its about an elder brother (chris klein), trying to help his younger brother(brendan fehr) get laid over the weekend! Oooh Chris Klein! I want someone like him. So so damn hot. So silly of Katie to dump him for Tom! My gawd. Is she blind or what? Then again, most ppl are forever blinded by this fucked up thing called L. O. V. E. Haha. I don't think i would ever talk about me falling head over heels for someone, beliving in unconditional love and whats not anytime so soon. Lust has gotta be the word for me this time round. (nick would definitely agree with me, he's never a true believer of love i suppose. Heh) Hmm! But i digress. Settled for some cakes at Cartel, because they were going at half price after 9pm, and then Tim gave us a lift home in his (or maybe father's) Jag. The second Jag i've sat in. No one can beat me, i've gotten a lift in an Aston before. Muahaha!

gawd damn it. I think i'm becoming really bitchy? Too many reasons to list.
What do you think? Or am i already damn bitchy from the start?
Oh whatever, its not like no one has ever called me a bitch before
Bah

Signing off,
grace

I never promised you a rose garden

Last night, i had a dream about this person called A. Considering how i rarely dream.
And it was bloody surreal. Its not like a scary dream or anything, pretty realistic actually.
I don't even know how the hell A managed to get into my dreams, considering how we weren't all that close. I just knew that he's a fantastically nice and damn genuine chap.
Why do i even bother ranting, he's far far away.

Enough said

Ah, i slept half of my 8 hrs break away. I'm fucking tired. Lack of sleep and shit. Bahh
I'm pretty sure my metabolism rate has elevated sky high ever since those 5km jogs. Amazing ain't it. Haha. No one can ever say that i'm fat now!

School's been pretty okay, was allowed to drop 1 module with the Dean's permission. 3 modules and a 2 day week. I can't ask for more can i?

Techno-fucking-rati is not a good thing. Haha. Told you its too powerful for your own good.=) I choose to stick to ignorance for its a bliss. Alot of things in life, its better not to know them. The more you know, the more problems arise and then you have to go through shit. Do what singaporeans do best "Act blur". I wish i didn't know so much at times. Curiousity killed me. Haha fuck.

My dog is barking. and he's fucking irritating. I wish i could kill him sometimes.

Ciao

You know you've been (partly) Aussinised if you

• have no qualms about spending SGD 10 on dinner and still think it's perfectly reasonable
• ask where the 'bathroom' is instead of the 'toilet'
• keep going to the beach instead of hanging out in malls
• grumble about the humidity in Singapore
• find SBS bus fare dirt cheap
• don't bother shopping in Singapore already, cuz you realised the clothes here ain't that nice
• don't even bother stepping into Roxy or Surfbabe. They really sell ugly trash there
• miss turkish pides and donuts
• keep drinking hot mocha in Sg even though the weather is fucking hot
• whine and grumble when someone suggests fastfood/fish & chips
• start your sentence with 'i reckon' instead of 'i think'
• drink juices in the morning instead of milo
• start looking for Big M milk in your local supermarket, but to no avail. I really love Big M!
• can't stop yakking about Aussie as if you were from there. Haha

wah wtf, yesterday i thought i had gastric flu, turned out it was just a bout of flatulence. Must be the damn baked beans. haha.
And today, i've got a stiff neck. I don't know why, i think i accidentally cracked it or something.

bah

On Memories Again

Thanks Acquaintence.
Of course time is always the best Amnesia Pill. Therapy? haha. Reminds me of Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless mind.
I remembered how dumb i was, didn't get the gist of the content throughout the show, only until towards the end, then i realised how beautiful the show was.

Rubbish aside

Well, the thing about my brain is that, it can't seem to filter the Good and the Bad memories.
Strange isn't it. Its like i remember everything altogether. For some very very strange reason, its a tad hard for me to cast away the bad ones. Its just like picking out the rotten apples from a carton.

The previous post, i was in fact talking about the Good memories, that happened to me back when i was in Sydney. haha. Stupid details i can remember. He was the first person who helped me lug my luggage into Unilodge, commenting that i brought bricks to Sydney. He peeped at my luggage tag, and knew my name even before i asked him for his. He made me guess where the heck his motherland is. He made funny faces to make me laugh when i was pissing drunk and almost going to conk out on the sofa. He danced just as well as Usher. (no joke about that) That last dance. His cologne, which kinda reminded me of the toilet i went to at East Garden. hahah. Our awkward and irritated facse during truth or dare on NYE. His constant bad mood (according to others, chao bin) face when he eats. His super dao-ness/act dao/act cool face. That particulare picture which he asked for a re-take 4 times just because he couldnt smile at the third count! And lastly, that smile that would sweep girls (or maybe just me) off their feet. haha
Ooh, i feel like a teenager all over again! This is fun

All good things come to an end. It ended together with summer.
This is the GOOD one

And the BAD one?
Its such a waste of time to even talk about it. So refer to the archives if you're that interested. Ah, maybe i should delete the archives. bad memories ain't good!

wtf. I think i may be down with stomach flu.

Memories..

I wish i didn't have such a good memory.

My memory is like a video recorder, playing back on video tapes. Every fine details recorded. From what the person said to me, what the person's wearing, how he smells like, what he ate for dinner, his quirky habits, the settings, what i said to him, how i acted towards him, my emotions, how everything was fleeting past. Those last few moments.

There are some things which i still cannot forget.

If only there was a thing called Amnesia Pills.

Dont ask why

UNSW always and forever!


My room at New College


Everyone's fighting to take a pic at this spot in my room


The corridor


Krispy Kreme!


yay! someone gave me the window seat! Check out the landscape!





And the fluffy clouds


Me, not looking my best. Tim tams and Pink pillow. yeah i brought it along with me.
Got a problem?


Super bored!


back of aircraft

Don't ask me why im uploading all these pics taken on the last day when i'm already back in sg for almost 6 days. Sigh.
Nothing can really describe everything i've experienced in Sydney. Singapore is gawd damn boring.

Met up with my Sydney friends today. It was so fun. Sometimes, i feel that though they've only know me for 6 weeks, i'm totally at ease and comfortable with them. I can act retarded, stupid and disgusting in front of them. I'm so not shy with them, i grab their food without asking. haha, and i'm totally frank and honest with them. Funny how i can be absolutely comfortable with ppl whom i've know for such a short time, as compared to my uni friends whom i've known for almost 2 years. These ppl who were in Sydney with me have seen me in my utmost UNGLAM state. I really mean gross and unglam. They've seen me in my trashy pyjamas. They've seen me in my just woke up gorblock/blur looking face+ scruffy hair. They've seen me laugh like no body's business. They've seen me getting pissed at bush flies. I swear they're like a part of me. And we're all one big happy family. We're gonna meet again for steamboat on CNY.

Dolls met them today too. And im sure she had an absolutely fantastic time with them. They're such easy going and friendly ppl.

I love you guys!
Cheers!

Unintended- Muse

you could be my unintended choice to live my life extended you could be the one i'll always love you could be the one who listens to my deepest inquisitions you could be the one i'll always love i'll be there as soon as i can but i'm busy mending broken pieces of the life i had before first there was the one who challenged all my dreams and all my balance she could never be as good as you you could be my unintended choice to live my life extended you should be the one i'll always love i'll be there as soon as i can but i'm busy mending broken pieces of the life i had before before you

Great song. Albeit depressing, but go get it nonetheless!

Ah crap. I miss Sydney and the ppl over there so so fucking much. [the story of M]

Okay, this is my blog right, so logically speaking, i could blog almost everything i want yes? Of course, that means i would have to deal with the consequences myself. I amtherefore responsible for whatever iblog . There never was any intention to put anyone down. I don't fabricate stuff. I'm just an honest person thats all. Can't i even be candid in my own blog? Gees.

FYI

The previous entry i wrote wasn't even meant to be a personal attack. Pls, i've grown up, and i'm definitely not as juvenile as you thought i would be. I have moved on, why the heck would i still wanna attack you. Am i not entitled to my own opinions on guys in general? And when i said The Ex, what makes you think that you're the only one in my life. And when i said that the pamper and attention index drop when i'm with that 1 guy in a relationship, i wasn't referring to you. I was referring to every damn homosapien with the XY chromosome. This is a bloody fact.

Don't try calling me a bitch. You're not even fit to call me one. Who was the one who broke my heart, and told me that he has lost feelings despite me changing for the better to salvage every bit s of the relationship? You tell me.

Of course, with that, i'm entitled to break anyone's heart for that matter. I believe in karma. What goes around comes around.

I rest my case.

You brighten my life like a polystrene hat

Heard some pretty interesting news last night from a souce. As bud would say, "you're pretty well informed leh"

Haha. Well, what can i say? I'm really not surprised by the news. In fact, i've seen it coming, its just a matter of time. Nim said, "its not a competition". She's pretty right about that. Its all about the right timing and the right person. Who cares if one gets attached faster than another?

I'm definitely much happier this way, and Evan thinks that i'm better off like that. haha. my darlings. They know me all too well. Sydney trip, the best thing that ever happened to me. Better than 21st. The people who made every second so so memorable.

And then there's my crush whom everyone couldn't stop teasing me about. Haha. I feel like a teenager all over again. There's guys whom i took a step back and not reciprocate with all their flirtatous moves because they're frigging attached!This is so morally wrong! See, you can never trust attached guys overseas. I pity their girlfriends. They don't know what their boyfriends are doing. Tsk tsk. Shame on them. But it doesnt hurt me. So yeah, of course, i sympathise with their girlfriends.

I've met terrific guys during the trip. They really boosted my faith in love. They are the ones who made me realise that there are indeed nice guys out there. Previously, i used to think that The Ex was already the best guy. My fucking ass. The guys i've met are way way sweeter and nicer to their girlfriends. So gentlemanly, entertaining, responsible, know their priorities, know what they want in life, determined, and go all out to make their girls happy. Whee. They've got the full package.
Now i know what sorta guys i want, and i would never settle for anything less. My flatmate told me, go for what you deserve. I know where i stand, and my expectations are not rocket high, but fairly reasonable.

I'm not ready to settle down as for now. Life's good at this point of time, i don't seek any changes yet. I'm pretty much still into dating these days. I never quite like commitments, can be quite a pain in the ass. Don't you think dating is so much more fun than commiting to just 1 guy. Everything becomes so boring and predictable. During the dating phase, you're treating like the real princess. Fancy dates, nice surprises etc. As though you'll get all these throughout a relationship with 1 guy. I guess i'm someone who's always in need of nice surprises. If my life is as readable as a book, and everythings predictable, i'd rather look for something else to spice it up, without knowing the outcome.

Life is like a box of Lindt Chocolates.

The Return of Yours Truly

Dear friends,
I'm back in Singapore. Thanks for those who text me when i arrived.
6 weeks in Sydney was incredible. The memories will always be deeply etched. During the 6 weeks, good friendships were forged. We went through tough times(read: dirty living condition) at Smiths Lake, and the rest were good times. Cooking dinner together,bitching late at night, bus rides, shopping, late nights DVD sessions, coffeebreaks at mackers during the exams, horse riding, surfing at manly beach, New years eve, xmas bbq, weekly grocery shoppings, laundry. This list is never ending. Everyone was one big happy family! :)

The friends i've made there were SO SO fantastically nice. By 6 weeks, everyone knew each other as though they've been friends for 10 years. Ppl know me inside out. In fact, they know me even better than The Ex. They can predict what im gonna say, what im thinking, what i like and dislike, my quirky habits etc etc. I'm so surprised that in just 6 weeks, ppl can read each other like a book. I'm so gonna keep their friendship alive. I love them, especially my flatmate.

Not one moment did i regret coming over to Sydney. Every second there made me feel that this trip was all worth it. Matter of fact, i applied for this programme 2 days after my break-up. It was pretty much an impulsive thing, cuz i thought i really needed to get away, find a new life there etc. Wow, the break up must've been a blessing in disguise. Not only has this trip given me a different life, it has opened my eyes to so many things, and people of course. So to the Ex, thanks alot! Though i still dont think i owe you one.

I've never really felt homesick throughout the 6 weeks. I call back on alternate days. In fact, it was so fun that i didn't really bother much about the things going on in Singapore. I miss local food in Sydney. I mean, they do have chinese resturants selling fried rice, etc etc, but, they don't sell food like, chwee kueh or say carrot cake. You get my drift

I've met genuinely nice australians there. Sales assistants were also veryfriendly, ppl on the same flight as me were so so friendly too. Talking to me as though we flew to Sydney together. haha. The erratic weather in Sydney is something unforgettable. I miss waking up feeling cold, having to use hot water to wash my face. I miss wearing socks and a pull over to sleep.

I was excited the moment the airplane touched down in Singapore. I really was so estatic to see my parents. But after today, i wish i was back in Sydney. There's nothing much i like here in Singapore apart from my family and friends.

till then,
grace

Part 4

In the lab. Don't ya think the lab looks very secondary school?


Aliff the man!


Flatmate + Melissa


Outside the lab


So artistic

Part 3

At Hard Rock Cafe


At Bondi Junction


Im gonna miss you Bondi!












Funny man Jinson and I


Bondi Beach


Circular Quay


Goofing ard on NYE


On the ferry to Manly Beach




Casino Again

Part 2

Yum


Damn good chicken mushroom crepes


Wahh. My weakness


Drama in progress


Super boliao, forever snapping pictures


Taken another time , cuz she said it wasnt well taken


Surrounded by psychos


I know i look spastic in this


After gambling at the Casino




Aiden aka Sai Lo and I. Lovable boy he is.

pancakessss again


Outside the casino