Memories. Love 'em or Hate 'em?

Xmas Eve @ Walas

Memories, what do they mean to you?
It has been 4 months, and i've finally mustered the courage to open the picture folders in my computer. Looking through pictures of the once 'us', evoked so much memories. Good and bad, such that i'm confused whether memories are good or bad.

The good:
Our first kiss, first time we held hands, first date, first movies, first sleepover, first phone conversation, first homecooked meal, first Valentines day, first hug, first "i love you", the make-ups after every quarrel, the surprises, the attention from a special someone. The list could really go on.

And suddenly, i miss having someone i could experience all these with. Lets just pray that its one of the days where i feel most vulnerable and emotional. 2 yrs of being together has given me an entirely different insight on love. No wonder they say its love that brings out the worse in a person. You can choose not to agree with me. Till today, of course i still miss those nice memories of us.

The bad:
The lies and deceptions, the endless nights of tears, the feeling of being treated like dirt, the heartache, the jealousy, the countless quarrels, the tonnes of hurt. The list could also go on.

I cringe everytime i think about how i was hurt in that fucked up relationship. How it didn't lasted, how i couldnt understand feelings could fade in a span of 1 fucking month, how he made me fall for him, and then end up ditching me. How he made me go through tormenting shit even before we got together. How he was such a coward who couldn't even tell me things straight into my face.

And so, everytime i think about all these, i swear never to get serious with any other guy, unless they fall head over heels for me. I want to hurt the next guy, if i find that he's not serious enough. I want to be the person to hurt another. Period. What goes around comes around? Am i not right?

And so, whether i think about the good or the bad, i cry. (only for today i think), cuz im feeling fucked up. Frankly, i can't remember the last time i had a good cry because of memories. I don't know if is it because i choose to tell myself that i've gotten over it, or is it because i tell myself to dump that fucking thing called emotional baggage.. I really don't know. I tell ppl i've moved on. Yes i tell myself that too. But you know, when i sit down and really think about it, its like..an in between thing. On some days, i feel i already have moved on, on certain days, i feel like i haven't quite moved on completely.

In any case, till today, i still don't dare to read my old diary entries, nor my old blog entries. I'm scared that i'll be sad all over again. So what does that say, have i moved on or have i not? And also, i've stopped writing my diary ever since 4 mths ago. I wanna burn them, yet i don't want to. WTF is wrong with me?

Dinner & Dance 2005

Before D&D


From the stage

Doesnt it look like a wedding?


Tim, Me, Pam, Nic. Bloody PRCs, can't even take a nice pic for us. They haven't heard of the button Zoom?


Emmie, Pam, Althea, Moi. Arabic?


Cailing & Me. She's soooo funny!


Hmm...pageant girls. Ms photogenic not looking too photogenic here.


Mr & Ms Stylish


The winners.


Blur cock Jason. Dean's list one leh!


All the pageant models. Sorry ahkow, i cut ur friend off unintentionally. Haha


After everything. With stupid smudging eye liner. Gawd dammit.


Lesbian partners.

Ah. Didn't take many pictures. You don't get to take alot of pics when you're actually helping out in D&D.
I'm fuckin tired!
And guess what, i think i've fucking gained weight! I'm quite moody becuz of that. Ack! More running it is!

Dinner & Dance this year was at Orchid Country Club. No prizes for guessing the theme, its Arabian Night. Haha. Many ppl dressed up, thats what made it really fun. But they weren't wearing arabic stuff. One guy came in an outfit that made him look like an Iraqi soldier. Another came as a monk, and a chinese vampire, and some in those old fashion sorta clothes. Whats up man! Haha. But they're really funny though.

Im gonna shower, and sleep and wake up and start running like mad like before.
Goodnight.

my

life

is not quite back on track

yet

And i'm fighting for something

Thank You!

Thanks for making me laugh
even though you really didn't want it to last..
Thanks for always making me smile,
even though you regret those whiles..
Thanks for making me glad
even though you know it wanted to all be bad..
Thanks for always being there
even though you really didn't care..
Thanks for listening when i was around
even though you rather not listen and look at the ground..
Thanks for tellin me that everything was gonna be okay,
even though you knew it was not going to like today..
Thanks for always saying you loved me true,
even though we both know it was only me the one who really loved you . . .

Damien Rice - Delicate

We might kiss,
When we are alone,
When nobody's watchin',
I might take ya home.
We might make out,
When nobody's there,
And it's not that we're scared,
It's just that it's delicate.

So why d'ya fill my sorrow,
With the words you borrow,
From the only place that you know,
And why d'ya sing hallelujah,
If it means nothing to ya,
Why d'ya sing with me at all?

We might live,
Like never before,
When there's nothing to give,
Well how can we ask for more?
We might make love,
In some sacred place,
The look on your face,
Is delicate.

Probably one of the nicest make out songs. Apart from the usual chill out/coldplay/Norah Jones/alicia key's shit. Damien Rice is good! But whoever makes out with music? I don't know. Me? Hahaha.

I can't get to sleep. Tossed and turned in bed for almost an hour. Decided to come online. Drinking coffee 2 hrs before you sleep is a grave mistake. I've gotta wake up early tmr for Summer sch briefing, and after which, i'll probably have a 3 hrs break. And i don't know what the hell i'm gonna do during my break.

I just realised that i'm quite a private person. I don't like ppl coming into my room. I don't like ppl using my computer. Not because i have porn (no i don't), but i don't like them looking into my bookmarks etc. And i don't like ppl looking at the stuff on my table.

Lately, i've been ignored by a buddy. Lets call him Q. Its annoying. I swear i didn't even do anything wrong! And he just ignores me blatantly for no rhyme or reason. Fucking men and their moods. I tried being friendly, and he gave me this hostile attitude. I tried striking conversation, and all he could was give me stupid replies, or even monosyllabic replies. WTF man. What did i do? Ah whatever. I'm not giving a shit. But i'm just pissed at the fact that someone, a guy could act like that for no reason! Wuss.

Did some reading up on Immunology just now. I'm abit worried now, cuz I don't know whats going on. Oops? Its okay, i make sure i will before i sit for any exams.

Finally got my life back on track. Its back to more running and less eating now. Went for my usual evening jog. Enjoyed it alot, now that i can jog with my MP3 player. From tomorrow, no more junk food. No more heavy meals.

I think i've changed. I'm no longer that in-depth person anymore. I'm shallow. Where heart-to-heart stuff are concern, i don't exactly give a fuck (hey girlfriends! i'm not talking about you guys!). When someone tells me how they want to fall in love, or their plans when they find a gf, i don't give a fuck too. When someone tells me they're happily in love, i tell them "good for you". When someone tells me they'll rather be attached than single, i tell them to think twice, and choose the latter. In short, i'm aloof and non-chalant if someone tells me about their romantic relationship, their perfect significant halves yada yada. Well, its because i don't believe in love anymore honey! Maybe for now. Till the next guy come into my life. I promise he'll have a hard time.

So, have i changed, or am i just being delusional here? (not because its frigging 2.52am)

Stupid hammie just a small extra role in mediacorp and they pay $10/hr. Basket! They should ask me instead, because i really can act.

STRIP @ Chinablack

There's only one reason why i blog at such an ungodly hour. Same as last night. I'm waiting for my hair to dry. Silly old me. If you wanna tell me that i could use a hairdryer, instead of being such a bimbo. Now fuck off. For one, my hair is akin to hay you find in stables. For another, hair dryer's magnetic field causes cancer.

Got back from Science Bash. Glad everything went well. The pageant wasn't too bad. Tickets sales..well.. not too bad either. Didn't stay for long as my friends wanted to leave. Cabbed back. Good thing we're all East-Siders. I was the last to go home, and had a nice talk with the cab driver. He's so nice i swear. Like telling me how i should be careful when i club, or be wary of ppl, as they might spike my drink etc. Haha. He sounds just like my parents. And he even told me to be careful when i go upstairs. Yeah lah, i ran upstairs again. Happy?

Okay clubbing music. Okay ppl. I had fun at least. Before and during the bash. Below are the pictures. I seriously think i need to go back on my diet regime. Fucking putting on weight i think. Eat little, excercise more! URGH. And get back my tan! I swear i've been eating tonnes of junk food. I'd rather not eat at all than to eat junk food. This is annoying. 5km tomorrow!!

Flirting tips #83
If you notice someone looking at you, well..(and if you think he's okay looking), you look back at him. Maintain eye contact for 3 seconds. I dont mean 1,2,3. Its 1000, 2000, 3000. And you'll at least get a smile back from him. Then you can smile back. And if you don't get a smile back, then you really suck lah.

Tried and tested. Only singletons need try.

p/s: i'd rather dance alone, or with my girlfriends than to grind with a fugly guy. Unlike some ppl who are desperate enough to pick an F-grade cherry. Haha. (only some will know what i'm talking about hor hobs?)

Belle & Me. I swear concealers can be a bitch sometimes!


Me & My bitching partner. No need for introduction


All of us


Some dance again!





Me and the AC girls. Sharon, Maggie, Emilia


HAHA. Nice candid shot. A very shocked Nic! And scary Maggie


BMT Buddies


And one unglam shot.


Honeydew!


KNN! why his complexion so nice one! Even though he perspires so much


Us at Macdonalds. the concealers being a bitch again.

My darlingn science girls


One very bored pageant guy, Eugene


Act Seh Sharon


Me & Emmie. Two science bitches. And i look damn sleepy in the bloody pic


Pammie - My lab partner


Everybody's favourite Althea. Director of bash & DnD


Pageant girls. One missing.





M5 Jie Sheng. I'm rooting for him!


Ahkow's friend Chee Wee aka Lifeguard at Zouk out cuz he wore a red bermudas. HAHA


Some dances

i wish i didnt have hair sometimes

as usual.
i always blog whilst waiting for my hair to dry. I wish i didnt have hair sometimes. My hair takes really long to be completely dry. But i usually go to bed when its about 85% dry. Yeah damp hair. Who cares. But seriously, if you're lucky, you'll wake up with fantabulous soft hair the following morning. That is if your hair is in perfect positioning before you rest your head on the pillow. Otherwise, you'll just end up with..cowlick?


Today, i had 1 lect, then i headed down to orchard with a friend. And we combed Far East. Got myself one top and two pairs of earrings there. Neat.


Then, friend's going home, i went to Cityhall area to meet Ahk. Bloody hell. Waited till i almost ran out of patience. I went into almost every shop in Raffles City, even Jasons Supermarket! And i got myself 1 top from Mango. Whee! Got fucking sian so i decided to walk down to SMOO (SMU) to meet that cockster. Fucking cool campus can! Nice underpass, nice seminar rooms and nice gates like those in the MRT stations. Must tap the card somemore leh! So high tech. Wah and their white boards can move up and down, and they have 2 projector screen in each class too! And each class is linked to the auditorium or something. Their elevators have aircon and cushion somemore. Plus one LCD screen! WTF! I'm jealous that everything in SMU is new, whilst everything in NUS is ancient. Like the brown ugly tiles in science and wooden seats and non carpeted LT. Its so old fashion! So 1980s can! Boo.

I was supposed to catch Dim Sum Dollies today, but my friend went abit too late and the $4 tickets were sold out. And instead, me and Ahk gate crashed a friend's birthday party. I was abit apprehensive, but Ahk is how BPS (buey pai seh). Go there, help himself to the booze somemore leh! Haha. A pretty neat party i must say, held at Starhub Centre rooftop at cuppage, for a mere $15 per night! What a bloody steal! Great fun! Psychotic ppl, Mad girlsgirl in action, lotsa picture taking, plenty of 'taupok' (i seriously can't imagine having sweaty bodies on me) and definitely a hell lot of booze and silly games. And yes, i remembered drinking a damn fucking gross drink, which according to Sing Yee tasted like kerosene. WTF. Mr BPS drank so much that he started pasting stickers on his face and attempted to kiss several guys there. Ppl say when you're drunk, you're most honest. His act says it all. He has gay tendencies. OMG! I'm flabbergasted.


Took a lift home from this guy whom i've seen before at the MRT stations during my JC days, but never knew he was actually classmates with Risshe. Small world or what. Yeah and he lives in my estate too.


Bash tmr! Urgh. I gotta be there at 5pm. YAWN. Less drinking. More socializing. And guess what, i just realised my Dinner & Dance is next Saturday, and i have't gotten my clothes. Nice huh? How sian!


Can i go sleep now??????? Oh no i can't. My hair is not even 35% dry. KNN.

HELLLOoooooo

DS (short for Dim Sum) was not bad with Nick Hammies Koh. He thought the food weren't agreeable. But i'm okay with it anyway. You think Tung Lok group ah. Nick looks like the Green Tea Pau he ate. Disgusting.

Anyway, the brilliant me came up with this plan. Cuz the restaurant stated that, they'll charge us Ala-Carte price if we waste food. So i told that Hammie looking guy that we could chew on the leftovers, then spit it out. Haha. Am i smart? And Hammie Koh said that we could spit them under the table cloth and then the waitress would wonder: eh why got one lump under the table. Hehe And thanks for telling me my hair looked like the prawn dumpling covered with fried vermicelli. Of course. My hair is so fine and straight. How could it not look like vermicelli. Its just not as oily as that though.

So after that, i wasted some time, then went for a 6pm lecture

me: yawn
friends: eh why you look so tired. i could tell you just woke up from a nap
me: oh yeah..i had a nap
friends: huh? where?
me: oh my friend's hall
friends: huh? which friend? you never mentioned anything about friend's hall
me: oh..hmm..my ex?
friends: WHATTTTTTT
me: eh whats wrong with that, broke up already cannot be friends meh
friends: no lah.. but its so weird. i thought you hated him like mad
me: yes i did. but how can you hate someone forever? right or not?
friends: ah yes true true
me: better to keep the friendship than lose everything what!
me: yeah you've got a point

Moral of the story/Lesson of the day:
You can/will lose everything, but not friendship. Friends are important! And you don't have to act like strangers when you're with your ex. Don't make things awkward. It'll make life more miserable. Loosen up abit. And things will end up like how you guys started off as friends. You start off as friends, you end it off as friends. Make sense?

I stayed back in school till 10pm today to watch pageant guys and girls rehearse, wrap presents, talk cock, laugh like no body's business. eat instant noodles. bitch and gossip about pageant ppl.

Urgh. okay. Chinablack for me this Saturday. I hope to see all my friends (yes all you) there! Show some support man! i'm in the committee! And i'm such a nice person, no reasons for you not to come!

wah, i feel like i'm behaving abit crazy these days. or maybe not. Just happy go lucky. Hahah.

Dim sum dollies tmr! 4 bucks only for NUS students leh! how cheap! And i should really go shower now. Urgh.

Singleton Unite!

"you love someone not because you were meant to be in love.

but because u want to. and very often,

what u want isnt whats good for you."

I took this off Nim's friend's blog. Haha. i hope he doesn't see this. But if he does, then hey! i like your quote!

So from this quote, the moral of the story is:

Stay away from this infectious disease called Love. It won't do you any good. It won't make your life better!

Alas, have all the fun in the world! Who needs love when love from your friends and family is enough to suffice.

Come to think of it, the thought of me being in a relationship again is revolting. Haha. Yucks. Can't imagine telling someone "i love you" So fucking cheesy can! Or give look straight into someone's doleful eyes. Or a real kiss filled with love? Eeyew. A kiss filled with lust, i can still picture that.

Go on multiple dates! have fun! Break guy's heart (not nice guys/good friends though). Stupid guys maybe. Give them hope, and dash their hopes! Heh. Who ask them so stupid go believe in something called True Love. Naive dumbasses.

Wah, and which ever guy that can make me fall in love again, he must really be damn pro!

A cute guy is not even enough to make me fall in love with him! And he had better know how to drive if ever he wants to meet the minimum pre-requisite.

Being single isn't too bad what. At least there won't be any more crying or worrying blah blah. Stupid things i did when i was in a relationship. Yuck.

Yayyyy dimsum buffet tmr! i'm gonna starve my self silly tonight and STUFF myself silly again tmr.

Dear Summer Programme Applicants,
You are coordially invited to a briefing by Vice Dean of Science on NUS-UNSW Summer Programme at 12nn, 22nd August 2005 (Mon) at LT31. Please RSVP to askscience@nus.edu.sg by 18 August on your availability to attend this briefing.

Thank you.
Regards,
Denise Dean's Office
Faculty of Science

Thank you very much too!
Hooray!
Well, here's the thing, when i'm gone, all of you (neha, nim, moe, nut) will be back! Aww man!
They've yet to shortlist. But......i don't know lah! urgh

Windsurfng 101

Two windsurfing crash course over the weekends at East Coast Beach.

Fantabulous! Don't ya agree with me Nim and Nehu?

I had fun on the first day already, but not the two of them. Heh. Of course, fun does come with a price. Lotsa bruises on my limbs, scratches, injured toes. Oh, and the icing on the cake, toner arms! Hur. Who needs to dig trench to get nice biceps when you can windsurf and bask in the sun at the same time. (note: its not that i've tried digging trench, i just thought digging would be fun and well...a great work out) Just climbing up the board from the water and uphoring the sail is good enough for a fantastic workout!

So Day 1 of the course, infinite falls and screams. heh. Lotsa balancing. Damn alot of bruise. That bloody tide drifted my sail board onto the shore, and the damn dagger pinched into my calves. WTF. On the first day, very choppy waters, high tide made it almost impossible to stand up properly, so much for learning about 180 degrees turn when we already had problems with uphore. But hey! the instructor said i was doing fine, and that i was strong when i could flip my sail board over when the thing capsized. Hehe.

Day 2 the low and calm tide was a moral booster. All of us had fun. Hey, we don't suck afterall! Blame it on the choppy water on Day1! Even the instructors said the water on day one was "freaky". All of us managed to sail! Whee! And stupid Nim sailed to the breakwater and didn't know how to return. And plus there was lightning and the rain drops was so painful. Nim is a damsel in distress. ( eh why you never use the distress signal? AHAHAH)

The sea water made my skin and my precious hair very dry. So, i would need a facial and hair treatment ASAP! And i think the sea water made my contacts abit harder and stiffer. Is it because its hypertonic? Don't know. I'm anticipating some muscles aches tomorrow. And i hope the bruise don't become too obvious on my legs. If not, i'll look abused.

Carrying the sail and the rig back was quite a bitch. Not to mention, we have to wash it for them too. URGHHH.

Windsurfing really drained all my energy. After windsurfing, i ate so much. Its like carbo overload like never before! Woahh.
I hope my hair becomes less dry. .

Bruise Count: 11
Scratch Count: 4
Injured Toe Count: 2
Cute guys count (in our class): Nil. (nim u can have that fair guy who looks like a piece of tofu)
Cute guys count at the club : ~2
Chio bus count: 3 (who else but us lor!)
No. of times the bloody mast 'kiap' my fingers: 3
No. of times I fall off the board/climbed up the board: infinite


Whatever the case, I wanna go windsurfing again!



ps: Hey nut! Thanks for the earrings!! Heh! I wanted to send you another Post Card. The same one i sent you last year, where postage is free. ahah. but i think my mom threw the post card away =(

Microbiology with Grace

I had my first microbiology lab today. 4 bloody hours. Urgh. But it was okay compared to my 6hrs genetics lab. Nothing fascinating about today's lab. I've done stuff like these. *yawn*. And microbiology isn't exactly very exciting. Nim can definitely attest to this. Its boring. Its tiring. Looking into microscope, calibrating microscopes give me headaches. Staining is quite a nuisance. So here's a peek of the stuff microbiologist (like myself for now) do. Oh btw, i'm also an immunologist this sem. As well as a pharamacologist. What the hell man.


This is an agar plate, containing agar nutrients for bacteria to thrive. What we're looking at now is E.coli. A bacteria found in our gut. Streaking is done on agar plates to spread the bacteria and ultimately isolate bacteria into single colony. See, that small little dot there? thats one colony. Pretty good streaking techniques in this picture!


And in each single colony, if you look into a microscope under 100X magnification, this is what you would see. Staining was done prior to this.


And if you further zoom into one E.coli, you probably have to use an electron microscope for this, you will see a monsterous looking E.coli with pilli sticking out. Pilli are used for conjugation and mating.

E.coli (short for Escherichia coli) is one of the common bacteria microbiologist experiment with.

On a happier note, i found the missing earphone sponge! It was in my back all the while. Hah. Silly moi!

So would you..

Today, i lost one side of my earphone's sponge. Yeah that little sponge thing that covers your earphones. And because of that, i'm feeling irritated. And also, the plastic protectector was peeled off from my handphone screen. And i'm feeling even more irritatd!

Why do i get so bothered by little things like these? You guys remember my pink FCUK top? Where i saw a stupid thread tangling in the middle of the top the first time i wore it. It was so disturbing! Urgh.

So, would you consider me a perfectionist?

Edit: And i just remembered the flower on my green skirt is almost falling of because of the stiches. Some itchy fingers tried to pull the flower out from my skirt. From Zara somemore okay! Wah lauuuuuuuu. And my havainas is dirty now beacuse of mud, and i have two blisters on my feet. =(

Dummy's Guide to the NDP

I've been to the NDP almost every year, except this year, cuz seating capacity at the Padang is limited. Hence, there was no way my mom could get the tickets. Boo. And i'm sure i'm experienced enough to write a guide for first-timers going to the NDP.

1. Wear something comfortable. No long skirts pls. Jeans is fine, but if you intend to go chop seats at 3pm, then you better wear shorts! And no short skirts too. You don't want the cheerleaders and policemen facing you to have a free show do you?
2. Ta Bao food because the lousy kong guan biscuits (which makes you bloody thirsty) in the goodie bag is not sufficient to fill your stomach. I've see ppl ta-baoing nasi lemak, bah chang, mixed vegetable rice, hokkien mee. And some even made coffee and put it in a thermal flask. Picnic ah? As for drinks, water is the best to hydrate yourself. Unless you love wintermelon tea which they always put in goodie bags. YUCK.
3. Pee before you go into the stadium/Padang. The toilets are DISGUSTING! And not forgetting, the queue is longer than an MRT train.
4. Wear shoes! Not expensive flip flops. You wouldn't want your precious flip flops to be damaged or dirtied. Neither do you want to come home with bruised toes.
5. Use public transport! Unless you are as fortunate as me, as my NDP tickets always come with a parking label HUR.
6. Bring binoculars if you're chao kiasu, or if you wanna have a closer look at the cute cheerleaders (nim, do ya remember?)
7. Bring those battery operated fan.
8. Sit near the mats. They're really fun and funny ppl!
9. Be as ONz as possible! Do the dance, wave your flag, scream till there's no tomorrow (doesnt apply to me)
10. Leave as soon as the fireworks are over. The exit never fails to have some sorta bottle-neck traffic after the parade.!
11. If you have friends/relatives working as those marshalls, remember to get free KFC chicken from them! Haha.
12. When going home, remember to lighten your goodie bag, leave behind those flags they never fail to give every year, finish up all your drinks, leave the 8days magazine behind and other nonsense flyers. Bring home only the torchlight, the cap, the bag of course and those vouchers! And Kong Guan biscuits if you like getting thirsty after eating them.
13. If you don't know how to get to the stadium/padang, follow the red crowd.
14. Don't wear red. Your friends and family will have a hard time looking out for you. Wear something like green or purple or even better, NEON YELLOW. They won't miss you. Haha. I think the CWO vest is cool!
15. Have fun doing the Kallang Wave. Haha. its the funniest to me. Cuz some ppl have ultra slow reaction. Faint!
16. Eaves drop on the ppl behind you. Some have really funny and spastic comments.
17. Remember to look out for blunders and bloopers in the mass display. Some of them run and run, then trip. HEHE

The End.

Eve Of National Day

• Watching Charlie & The Chocolate Factory. Pls go watch it if you haven't. It brings out the kid in each one of us. I loveee the show! 5/5!
• Treasure Hunting @ Suntec's Carpark. Looking for the car, only to realised we were on the wrong level!!
• Watching Fireworks in the car at 12MN. Hah! Thank God for the traffic congestion. If not we would've missed it!

Not too bad huh? :)

Lousy Picasa didn't upload my salad at Sizzlers!

The Main course.

And me in the driver's seat. Why the hell is the sequence of pic so fucked up?

Family portrait. Minus Dom. I have 2 brothers!
Whats up with your eyes mom!



Ben


Me and Goofball Ben. He was blinded by the flash. HAHA. loser


Waiting for the damn fireworks


Another family portrait, with hair on my face.
My face looks dirty here. its my hair lah! Damn windy what


And me. Stupid Ben can't even lift the camera higher.
I look like im not wearing anything below


At Glutton Square


Pretty! Bud said this pic was well taken!



And Bud said this colour is nice, but bad timing.


Went to Geylang for some Beef Kuey Teow & Frog Leg's Porridge.
damn good!


Why is this pic here? Stupid buildings of Singapore. I hate this view!
I hate the position where i'm standing while taking this pic.


Little Men in the sky