Am I who I'm supposed to be?

Sometimes, I'm caught in a dilemma between being an angel and a demon. I'm sure this is nothing new for most. There's this driving force in me that inclines me to be an angel. Which i think its really good. But is it because i have an underlying motive? I don't really know myself sometimes. I don't think i have any motives. haha. And its probably why my parents named me Grace: Gift of God.

Have you ever felt like you're two completely different person overnight? Cuz i think i do. And its not that i'm suffering from Sever MPD (multi-personality disorder), but rather, that could just be my solution to escaping from everything. Meaning, not letting emotions take charge of my life, and as a consequence, wreck my mood and everyone else's mood.

Been feeling a little edgy and touchy lately. And i'm not sure what caused me to become so short-fused. I'm starting to get impatient with my parents lately, I don't really engange in conversations with them that often, as compared to when i'm on 'normal mode', and how i'd rather be online doing nothing than socialise with people. I'm not addicted to the damn internet, but sometimes, i just want to be left alone, and not talk to anyone else. Everyone asks me things like "hows everything"?, "hows ur day"?, etc. Well, the truth is, everything about my life now is topsy turvey, and if i were to say good, or fine, i'm lying. Cuz it isn't good at all.

Just too depressed with shit like that. People ask me, why do i have such high tolerance. well, the truth is, i don't. I'm as vulnerable as anyone else, and sometimes i put on a brave front. I don't like people to see me as weak, and i defintiely hate crying in front of people. Even good friends. I think i can hold back my tears pretty well, which i don't think any of my girl friends would approve of. They'll tell me to cry as much as i want. But i won't. Except when i know that no one's around me.

I cry when:
i think of death
i feel neglected
i sense a tinge of unrequitedness
i feel that my life is falling into pieces
i feel that i'm a total failure
i'm stressed during exams
i my family ain't happy
i regret doing something i shouldnt' have done
someone lies to me
i'm afraid of losing someone
i think about my childhood

After all these, I wish i was stronger.