Here In This Diary

I'm so bloody tired. I just finished mopping and sweeping the entire house. Sounds like a maid? And i've yet to eat my lunch. Sounds like an ill-treated maid? Maybe? Bah

Anyway, i need a damn job ASAP. It's only the 5th day of my holidays, and i'm bored stiff. I have plenty of activities planned, all before my exams. But there really isn't any one out there free for me. Dammit. I might as well work, save up, and go on a holiday myself.

I lack books to read. So for my daily reads everynight, i read my diary. To date, i have 5 diaries. 4 of which were written with immaculate details, while the current one is just too brief for reading pleasure. There were so many things that i've long forgotten, until i read my diary. Everything from friendship, family to relationship. Well, mostly relationship. Evey speck of details were neatly penned into that trust diary of mine. Without the diary, i wouldn't even remember that me and him tossed a coin to decide which movie to watch. It was between Heartbreaker and A Knights Tale. What a joke. And then, there was this moment (first date perhaps), we were texting each other on the bus when we were just sitting opposite each other. Hilarious? Awkward? I don't know. But it sure was nice to relieve some pleasant moments. Well, i do remember most of the stuff that i wrote, but sometimes, tiny details like these tend to slip off my mind, as i deem them 'not-too-significant'. And some pretty sweet text which i actually jotted down could still put a smile on my face.

Hm..and I wonder if i can ever write anything like that in my current diary. 5 diaries within 3 years? Thats alot ain't it? I'm the sort of person who would cherish every single moment of happiness. To me, anything that makes me happy deserves to be remembered, thats why i never fail to write them down in my diary. The happiest entry i had was a staggering 11 pages long entry. Oh boy. You couldn't believe how ESTATIC i was. After reading my diary entries, it kinda made me happier as well, hatred and grudge gradually faded eventually. I tend to be more optimistic too. I would think : hey look, there will always be things that make you happy, just like all these things that you've jotted down in this diary. I wish i could turn back time, and relive those happy memories

Of course, there's a flip side. The dreaded miserable entries. Glad they took up less than 50% of all my entires. Phew. Well, basically, my entries consist of 20% of misery, 65% happiness, 15% thoughts and whines. It's saddening to read the miserable entries. The ink smudges on the page is enough to make my heart sink with melancholy. I believe in writing sad entries too. That would ultimately be my pillar of support. When i read them (only on vulnerable days), i learn to be stronger. But when i'm feeling normal, i just gloss over them. They ain't worth too much of my time. And sad entries are usually about relationship (duh!) and family (once in a while), nothing about friendship, cuz you girls are the best!!!

The diary is a personal thing to me. It's something i won't want anyone to read, not unless i'm gone. Then maybe you could. I could never be as candid in blogging as compared to penning down my thoughts in my diary. I guess there isn't this thing called privacy when you're out there in the cyberworld. Someone whom you know, might just chance upon this blog for all you know. And i believe that blog-stalkers do exist! (nim:sheepish grin)

OMFG! I must go now! They're showing smurfs on Kids' Central. I so bloody have to watch that. I've been deprieved of that cartoon since 6.