Choice & Courage

I was able to relate to moe's post on Choice, reason being, i ain't the most decisive person on earth. In fact, I'm pretty indecisive. Like her, i couldn't even decide what to eat for lunch, or what i should wear to school (not that NUS is any hip a place)

Of course, like any other people, i've faced with many choices all the time. I'm not a risk-taker to begin with. I hesitate too much. But when i know what i want, i will find all means to get it. Sometimes, too much determination isn't really good, because there are some things that won't go your way no matter how much effort you've put in. And this needs no further explaination. So, the only thing i could ever do now is hope, and not get too involved in the situation, for fear of disappointments.

One wrong choice that i've made was to stay in Singapore after my A' Levels. Well, my parents didn't exactly want me to go abroad, cuz of the financial reasons, but they said, if there isn't a choice, they would send me abroad by hook or by crook. I stayed behind nonetheless, because i didn't want to be selfish. I have too younger brothers. And because of someone else. I regretted not being persistant. You could call me selfish, but thinking back, i should've gone abroad. I really want to get out of here. It was such an awful feeling to know that all your friends are going abroad, scattered all over different continents, and you're stuck here in Singapore. Its not awful because i'm jealous that they're abroad, but rather, i know im gonna miss their company. I thought i had a certain someone to rely on when all my friends are gone (boo!), i thought he was a consolation. But he wasn't there for long. Hence, my biggest regret. He was the pull factor.

Its not like i could turn back time now. The least i could do now is make do with whatever there is, and hope (again?). Don't i ever get sick of hoping? I still don't know. At least i could hope. What would you do if the doctor tells you that you only have 7 years to live? Well, that was what happened to an acquaintence of mine. Just how much can he hope? It's like you know you'll be gone pretty soon (7yrs isn't that long), just what would you do? For me, i really don't know, be as optimistic as i can? Hm..but isn't that like deceiving yourself?

Maybe self-deception is good. Cuz i still can't get enough of my little own realm. I've yet to put my first step into the real world. I think i'm a coward (that sounded so bad)