You're not alone in this

"One of life's painful experiences...

Girl A: yea watched it. its really sad.. i knw.. makin me feel worse.

Me: Oh dear! oopsie.sorry. jz thot tht d storyline was unique , sweet n sad.


Girl A: i would do the same thing for ** too.

Me: Really? yeah, im sure we would too ..fer d boys.

Girl A: yea i would. just like how if one day he gets into a bad accident, i would care for him for life. But *touch wood* i wish for him to be safe.

Me: true.. but u see.. even if u guys aren't together anymore. u would still care fer him.altho in a diff way..bt still.. nonetheless.. u wld care fer him like he's dear to yer heart. tht wont change.N im sure he too.. will still care fer u..

Girl A: I love him thru n thru

Me: jz that right nw, he'll hafta draw d line cuz u guys arent together anymore.. It's a heart vs head thing nw. In this case, u'd jz hafta slowly rationalise it no matter how hard it is. i mean im sure whilst he was with u.. he was happee too..and fer him ta have made that decision.. im sure it wld ve broken his heart too.

Girl A: den why end it?

Me: He's a fantastic guy and yer a great girl too. bt i guess he's thinkin far ahead..its abt life together and knowin best wat his career entails. N havin u in his life wld no doubt be great fer him..

Girl A: i can take it.. i can. I can change.cuz at the end ofthe day, i'll still be happy.

Me: But thing is.. he mite not want ya ta suffer..knowin alrd tht becuz fer a fact,fer him.. u hadta change or make sacrfices fer him.maybe he doesnt want ya ta be doin that all life long. yes u will be, n seein u happy wld make him happee too. But fer em guys, they mite think differently.They've gt another perspective. They feel bad fer "abandoning" us. No matter wat, u jz hafta be strong.

Girl A: But if it leads to the big picture, then why not? Even if it's not me, it'll be some1 else makin the sacrifices too.. cos thats wat his job is all about. Then take things one step at a time. one phase by one phase.

Me: i guess he's tryina be d head of d decision whilst yer heart is hurting..True, bt prolly cuz they re still young. They never knw wat could happen. I knw. bt becuz things r happenin at their side n i guess prolly they wun wanna have it at our expense.Like throwin d uncertainty against us as well.

Girl A: i dun mind.. i really dont. It's all abt gettin used to it. Isn't it?

Me: jz like how we're willin ta make d sacrifices ..they prolly arent willing ta let us do so. cuz i mean if we're in their position,n they re makin all d sacrifices fer us cuz thrz no other choice..Im sure we wldnt want em ta do tht too..cuz we'd think:tht'd be selfish of us.

Girl A: But a r/s is all abt give and take. u give some, u take some.

Me: precisely, he mite think tht yer tryin hard ta give him everythin u could, whilst on his side, he cant promise u anythin..so tht in itself will make him feel bad or worse as it is alrd.

Girl A: I don't need him to promise anything..all i need is for him to love me.. n let me love him back. Uncertainties and all, i can take it all. Come what may, i can handle it..

Me: I knw.. im sure he knows it too..but u knw, like u said.. its all abt gettin used to it. i mean they wldnt want us ta make d sacrifices n get used to it.. knowin tht we could be happier n nt havin ta get used to anythin bt jz be ourselves.

Girl A; i know u said i'll get used to life without him, but i know i wont. cos i love him. u knw i loved him even before we got together..i waited for him unknowingly, rejecting others.N when he broke up with **, i felt d happiness.and i realised i liked him all the while, and thats when i decided to take the chance to go after him. He was the best thing that happened to me.

Me: yeah, i get wat ya mean. But sometimes, love doesnt mean you'll end up together. Harsh reality, but pretty true. Likewise, he may love u with all his heart, bt jz that sometimes love doesnt simply mean bein with each other or havin d feelings thr. It could be that they love u ta hurt enuf seein u havin not ta not be yerslf when yer with him cuz of the sacrifices u'd hafta make.

Girl A: but i dont wanna be set free..

Me: see.. we each have our own perspective on things.And his mite be different frm yours.

Girl A: He can't even give me a good answer. just kept sayin he has no love fer me anymore..tht it's too late fer me to change.

Me: well, i dunno wats goin on in his mind. bt i knw fer a fact tht fer sure.. im sure a part of him does hurt too. I mean guys will hafta put on a strong front. Once d decision is made, they gotta be firm n stick with it.

Girl A: noo.. he said he wont regret. He said he feels choked each time he says i luv u or i miss u.

Me: yep, my point exactly.he wont regret meanin he has alrd thot it thru, decided n he'll stick with it thru n thru. Choked, i dunno y exactly. Bt my view is tht choked cuz he knws that with that, there r promises he'll hafta make to u, which he himself is uncertain if he's able ta fulfill them or not. N if he doesn't, he knws tht u'll get upset again n he wldnt want tht.

Girl A: i can take it.. love is all about accepting one's flaws isnt it?

Me: yes it is. i knw its painful.. bt thing is when yer d one tryin ta accept all d flaws..its lop-sided and im sure he has done it too.jz tht prolly as fer nw, he's decided tht this should end n tht it shld end whilst d good lasted.

Girl A: i can accept his flaws..the limitations caused by his job.N i can change, so he wont feel stifled.

Me: i am harsh bt i jz want u ta understand that sometimes things like this.. u jz hafta try n accept.its yer heart thts talkin,hopin tht things btwn u both might change n u two might get back together if u see him or wat n change his mind right? i mean u said before tht even if d both of u r frens, y wouldnt he wanna come n see u in dec?cuz u ARE his fren, bt no longer his gf. Even if u see him, u cant hug him, he cant tell u tht he loves un all.so wats d point in him flyin thr n seein u, only knowin fer a fact tht will further jack yep hopes higher.

Girl A: yea, im still hopin and hopin.caught between hoping and letting go.. more hope than letting go. That's me. I always hope. Love hopes, love endures and never fails. That's wat d bible says. it has to have some truth in it.

Me: yup, i knw..its harder fer girls esp ta let go fer sure,n yess, i knw wat u mean.but love hopes, love endures,, love never fails. thts a perfect reality.but nothing is ever much perfect in this reality, sad ta say. But there are definitely perfect moments, perfect periods. Bt nw tht d flame's gne dwn fer u.. its time ta sit back n jz remember d happy moments tht u both shared. Give each other some time. Both him n yerslf. so tht it'd be easier fer u guys to b frens again.

Girl A: is it possible to reignite d flame?

Me: yes, it is.. possible, jz tht fer nw.. u gotta let it cool.who knows? it may reignite again.. or it may not. u dunno n neither does he.so it'll be pointless fer him ta tell u nw thr mite b a possibility, cuz if he does, u'll be waitin..hoping.. n thinkin..thts nt wat he wants. Its more of a "let nature take its course" n see wat happens kinda thing..more of " come what may"..

Girl A: wat can i do to move on then?

.....

*names are kept anonymous to protect the person(s) involved.

Sweetheart, if yer reading this,

it is definitely painful, no one can take his place in yer heart and u would want things ta go back to how it is..However, he has made it clear to you, and tho' things between u both have ended, just remember.. u still have a friend in him..there are precious moments and times that'll stick with u both.. that will belong to only u and him. Keep that with u.. those beautiful memories. take that with you,and with that, believe that u can brave it and find love again.

Yes, it's tough and it will take a while.Give yerself time. It will hurt in the meantime.Be strong dear girl..Am here fer you if you need me. Just remember that u will get through this. Slowly then, gain strength and courage and independence away from him. If u feel yourself slipping and thinking of possibilities or how things could be different if you're still with him, then u should give some space and not be in too close a contact with him. U can be good friends, but both of you need time to be psychologically ready to be just friends and nothing more. From there, then u both can see next whats best fer each other. It's that time and space that you need to give yourself.

YES, give yerslf time...time to grief, time to remember, time to be strong, time to live yer life without him. Yes, it's one of life's painful experiences. It's over dear..

A *hug* fer you sweetheart.

Sorry that i'm not much of a help. Just wish i could do more ta take some of yer pain away..Let it out, don't hold it in... Let eveything out and you'll feel better.

I mean.. I'm not askin you to just stop loving him. You don't stop loving him, but you can only get used to living without him there.. it's a start at least.

Stay strong and pray... Pray fer the pain ta slowly erase.. Pray for strength and courage.. Be strong.. God will catch you when you fall. HAVE FAITH that you'll be alright in time to come, that both him and you will be able to look back toogether and smile at that voyage you both once had,with no strings attached... HAVE FAITH that you will be strong to face the journey ahead of you, alone. It is in the journey that you will become strong. "

And so i quote this off a friend's blog. You know who you are.

I just want to let you know that, you're not the only one who had to through this shitty mid-life crisis. I was in it too. Somehow, after reading this entry of yours, my emotions started to pour in. Its never really easy getting over it, but no one said its impossible am i right? I'm still learning to grapple with all these post-break up stuff, emotions, school, moving on with life days. I haven't completely moved on, but i know i've moved on a little. A baby step is still a step no? And to whoever that wrote that last paragraph of advice, i gotta give you credits for that. It is an immaculate piece of advice. And i will heed that advice of yours too. I don't know what else to say, because you've already said it all.

*sniff*
I never like goodbyes.