The Classic Board Game of Snake & Ladder

Do you sometimes feel that your life is like a game of Snake & Ladder? Cuz mine does feel exactly that way.

For a moment, i thought i was moving on, almost reaching square 100 before i win the game, only to land on a square with a snakehead, bringing me back to square 1. And then i have to attempt to land on a square with a ladder before i can actually climb up to end the game. I never thought Snake & Ladder was an easy game. Do you? Like the die in the game, everything is unpredictable.

Thats exactly how i've been feeling for the past 1 mth. Everytime i thought things were going smooth, when i thought i could get by everything, standing on my own without getting emotional and moody, that past just had to haunt me. I thought i really was happier. Reality is so cruel, only to discover for myself that i'm actually still back at square one. So much deceptions and hidden truth. Behind every smile in every picture could only be a facade. Behind every chatty me is only a deception. Just how long more can i lie to myself and pretend that i'm really alright? Climbing up the ladder is like a battle. There are so many things i have to grapple with. Emotions, memories, friendship, anger, hatred, happiness. I've never been hit that badly in my life before. Reality sucks doesnt it? Well, maybe thats why they always say each failure (in this case, a relationship), makes one a stronger person. I really don't know how true that is. Hopefully it'll be true for me.

For all the times ive been thinking how i don't deserve this at all. I truly don't. Life just isn't fair really. If i knew this would happen to me, i would never want it to happen at all. Never. And the worse thing is, i don't even know what i had done to land myself in this stupid sorry state. Was i unaffectionate, neglectful, unappreciative blah blah blah. I did the best i could, and God just had to put me in this mess. What kinda punishment is this? Just because i was that unreasonable, bitchy, horrible gf? But i've redeemed myself by being that almost perfect someone. Why is the punishment 10x more severe than the crime? Isn't life a game? its either we win, or we lose (it). Life, they always say to treasure it. The days in my life go by as a routine, and how am i suppose to cherish it? They say to always stop and smell the flowers. With all these burden in my mind, how else do i cherish everything else thats around me? I really don't know.

I could only wish, and continue deceiving myself.

I'll Catch You- Get Up Kids
Can you sleep as the sound hits your ears?
One at a time,
An unspoken balance here
Unabridged for so many years
That I should stare at recievers
To recieve her
isn't fair
Don't worry, I'll catch you
Don't worry, I'll catch you
Don't ever worry
Your arms in mine,
Anytime,
I wouldn't trade anything
You're still my everything
To my surprise,
Before my eyes,
You arrive
Don't worry, I'll catch you
Don't worry, I'll catch you
Don't ever worry
Still breaking old habits, habits,
You pulled the wool over me,
Now I can see everything,
Everything,
Remembering,
Jinx removing
Don't worry, I'll catch you
Don't worry, I'll catch you
Don't ever worry
No need for reminding,
You're still all that matters to me

p/s: Don't ever put Getup Kids songs onto your playlist when you know you're feeling sad and going through a bad time. They make you cry. And this song in particular makes me cry heaps, the other is Out of Reach